I'm Poor.

Ah, Ramen.  We've all fallen into your grasp at one point or another.

My apologies for lack of a more creative title for this post.  I'm very stressed lately because of how broke I seem to continue to be.  And there's no light at the end of the tunnel for at least another 2 years-once I can complete my Master's in Social Work degree and FINALLY MAYBE start my real life as a fully grown, financially independent adult.

I still have about $300 more worth of textbooks to purchase, an estimated $300 parking pass to purchase and that's not including my $70/month phone bill and $40/month credit card bill, or gas for the car, oil changes, etc.  You know, basic life stuff.  And the thing is, I really don't actually have that many bills.  Just phone and credit card-and my credit card payment is really cheap (because I have a Discover Student Credit Card which gives me a credit limit of only $500-thank God).  My problem is that I don't have enough money to feel comfortable making my monthly bills.  There literally aren't enough hours in the day for me to work enough hours to make enough money to feel really truly secure.  

I just want to live comfortably.  I'm not looking to become a millionaire and hoard my millions of dollars away from society forever.  I want to spend a little to have fun every month, get by on bills, and still have enough extra to put away in a savings account just in case of a huge life emergency.  I REALLY don't think I'm asking for a whole hell of a lot.  Unfortunately I need to take out $80,000 in loans to get my Master's degree which will help me get an adequate paying job in order to support myself for the rest of my life.  

What's even more stressful is that my family isn't able to help out at all with grad school.  They've already done so much to help me get through undergrad that they're pretty much tapped out.  I feel bad that I'm part of the reason they're so strapped right now, but I also really can't help it that society has deemed it necessary to not only have your high school diploma, but a college degree (Master's preferred in most cases) in order to get a job that will sustain you.  

I'm really starting to resent the Capitalist system.  The 'survival of the fittest' or 'each (wo)man for his/her self is ridiculous.  We're all human, we're all in this together.  Everyone needs to make a living, everyone needs to survive.  Collectivist societies have the right idea, I think.  I'm just so sick of America and how the poor and downtrodden continue to be trodden upon regardless of how hard they work, while rich floozies can sit on their laurels and become famous for being dramatic idiotic a$$holes.  In WHAT society does that make sense to anyone?

I'm seriously considering moving to Canada once I have my Master's.  I want to check out Toronto, and some of the other fun Canadian cities.  After a few years, I'd like to apply for citizenship and be free of America while I try to make a comfortable living for myself.  I refuse to be forced to eat Ramen for the rest of my life (as good as it tastes occasionally-when you're not having to LIVE off the stuff), and I refuse to be swallowed up by student loan debt for the rest of my career-track life.  I want to be a healthy, happy person.  I don't deserve the short stick.  Not this time.

Love you all.  Hope life is treating you the way you deserve to be treated!

Have any of you ever visited Toronto, moved to Canada, or know someone who has?  I'd love to hear your stories!

From my brain to yours,

-Megan

The Power of Resistance

The Power of Resistance

1/2 Done Finals

Today, I only have 1 final.  From 3:30-5:30.  Tomorrow, my last 2.  It's almost over!

Ryan left me today and is heading home to spend time with his family.  Which is nice.  He deserves some home time, for sure.  I, on the other hand am still in Burlington until 3 tomorrow.  And then...the long winter break begins.  You know that feeling you get when you're watching the first Lord of the Rings movie, just after everyone gets into the Mines of Moria, and Gandalf speaks?

"Now we have but one choice. We must face the long dark of Moria. Be on your guard! There are older and fouler things than orcs in the deep places of the world. It is a four day journey to the other side. Let us hope our presence may go unnoticed."

Yes, that is the feeling I'm experiencing right now.  Winters in Vermont are definitely equal to the "long dark of Moria."  And winter breaks are equitable to hoping you'll get through it relatively unscathed.  I love Burlington, and I love some home time.  I love sleeping in my own bed, and catching up with family for a few weeks.  After those few weeks though, I feel stuck in a place that isn't where I feel I should be at this point in my life.  It's so uncomfortable to be in a town for longer than a week or two where hardly anyone else is your own age.  People move to L-ville to raise kids, or to retire.  There aren't flocks of twenty-something-year-olds bookin' it to L-ville to party, rage, and network. 

 

Fortunately, due to the most excellent choice by the Res Life staff here at Champlain, I have been selected to be an RA at Quarry Hill next semester. 

   

Which means I have to be back in B-town on Jan. 3rd.  Un-fortunately, this means I have to let Emily at Kinney's down again.  She was planning on having me work this winter break.  But now, I've only got a week and a half to offer my time to her.  Also during which time, I have both a dentist and an orthodontist appt where I get to drop about $350 for a new set of retainers.  Whoot.  (That was sarcasm, folks.)

 

Oy, well at least I have a job somewhere, right?! 

I'll do my best to post again when I can.  Right now I need to do last minute touch-ups on this presentation I have to give in my last final.

Wish me luck!

Aloha,
XXOO Megan <3 <3

Looking Down: I See Boobs!

Soooo....some of you may be baffled at the title.  Understandably so.

Here's what I mean.

When I came to college, I was overweight enough where when I looked down the front of my body, I saw boobs and then a few inches of protruding tummy beyond that.  Now when I look down...I just see boobs!!! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!  This means I've probably lost some inches on my tummy area, but I'll be able to validate that more when I'm able to find some quiet time to strip down and take my measurements.  (It's really rather difficult in college with people around all the time.)  I'm not knocking it though, all summer I craved more interaction with people my own age.  Well, now I've got it.

I'm very excited for weigh-in on Sunday.  Also, I've gone in to reset my WW points.  I had been allotted 32 points per day, but now that I've indicated that I'm walking most of the time, I'm allowed 37 points per day.  No WONDER I've been starving at the end of the day.  I'm doing some serious calorie burning by walking everywhere (especially to Ryan's dorm room-which is 5 stories up-and elevators are not an option.)

To add on the subject of my diminishing belly bulge, I feel like I can account to the other reason I've lost some of it.  First, there's the exercise portion which obviously helps, regardless.  But then there's the food choices.  Case in point:  I looooooove warm bagels with cream cheese.  They taste so good, and it's essentially a comfort food.  However, bread expands in your stomach-therefore creating extra pudge and bloat during the day.  I've been really careful about choosing lots of fruits in the morning for breakfast (I need to start working more protein in in my breakfasts as well-but I'm working on that,) and having at LEAST 1 salad a day with either lunch or dinner.  I like to try to have a bigger lunch because then your body has the entire rest of the day to digest that.  Dinner should be something simple yet effective.  Half a plate of veggies or fruits, 1/4 plate of protein/fiber, 1/4 plate of whole grains. 

I'm having a bit of a battle with the "whole grains" thing.  The prepared meals I've been getting are more geared either towards straight up carbs (lunch), or lots of veggies/healthy stuff that'll digest within the next hour or so (dinner-usually.)  Maybe I should work on making deli choices for lunch instead, and then asking for whole grain bread.  That may help.  :)  Plus any cold cut means will be protein.  Hmmm...excellent.

Also-on a side note.  I splurged last night.  It's been around 90 degress EVERDAY of college so far.  It's sooooooo hot.  Vermont is NOT supposed to be 90 degress.  Ever.  Okay, maybe one or two days out of August, but not for weeks at a time.  It was in the 70s and 80s before I left for college back in Lyndonville, and now that I'm back in Burlington where the weather is naturally about 5 degress warmer than home anyway, the temp decides it needs to skyrocket.  Because of this, I had a chocolate creemee for desert yesterday with Hershey's chocolate sauce.  I don't regret it.  :)

Anywho, I've got to wrap up this post for now because I have class in a half hour and I'd like some time to center myself before going up to campus for 3 classes.  To everyone out there-good luck with your weight loss plan or with your making healthier lifestyle choices plan!  I'm always here...going through the same process with you.

Chin up, kids!

<3 Megan <3

Measurements...and Baffled By 1/2 Cup

Hi, all!  So, this post is about all of my measurements of my body, as well as measurements in general of food and the like.  Above you'll find a full-body shot of me.  This was taken before I left Burlington this last semester.  I basically still look the same, but there it is.  As you can see, the majority of the concentration of my extra weight is in my tummy/gut area, so that's where I'm really looking to start losing it.   And yeah, I know my arms are kind of flabby too, but honestly, who doesn't have flabby arms these days?  A little fun fact for you: your arms are actually the easiest part of your body to tone.  Seriously.  Try doing some sets with free weights for about a week, and you'll see what I mean.

Now, as of last night, I decided to go out and buy a tape measurer, and take down all of my measurements.

Here's what I got (keep in mind that the numbers are recoreded in inches):
17-Aug


R Arm 17

L Arm 19

Bust 50

Waist 48.5

Belly 53

Hips 56.5

R Thigh 28

L Thigh 29

Okay, so-obviously those numbers are pretty large.  BUT, that's why I'm on WW to bring everything back down under control.  As of yesterday (2 days on WW), I've already lost 2.5 lbs.  YEAAAHHHHH!!!  My plans for today are to work on reading a lot of books I would love to get read before I leave for college-while walking on the treadmill, or on the stationary bike.  Killing 2 birds with one stone.  It's awesome.  <3

Now, who here has heard of Fiber One cereal?  Take a moment, and go here.  Okay, so try to suppress the urge to roll your eyes, scoff, and reach for the nearest box of Lucky Charms.  I know, I was in that same place about 2 weeks ago.  I decided to try a box of Fiber One from my work last week.  It was the really ugly looking bran kind that you see on the Fiber One homepage.  Turns out, it doesn't just taste like icky bran with no flavor whatsoever.  There's like a hint of sugar somewhere (I think it may be honey?) so you're actually able to withstand the taste enough to eat the product.  Amazing!!!!   Now- what totally blows my mind (and I'm still not completely sure that I'm done being shocked,) is that 1/2 a cup of cereal is one serving.  Now, sidestory:

I'm used to having an entire bowl of cereal when I eat cereal.  The reason for this is because I usually only like "sugar cereals" (read: Lucky Charms, Reeses, Oreos, Frosted Flakes, Honey Nut Cheerios, etc.)  You can't actually have an entire bowl of Fiber One, or you'll blow up.  Okay, so that's not scientifically proven, but Fiber One fills you up incredibly fast.  I can eat that one serving of 1/2 cup, and I'm full.  If you had told me that 2 weeks ago I would have laughed at you and went back to buying my chocolate bars.  SERIOUSLY!  Haha!  Now, I know that with the price of cereal, and especially this kind of cereal, you're wondering why you should be spending money on a product that "may or may not work."  It does.  Trust me.  As soon as I have my next weigh-in on Weight Watchers, and take my next set of measurements, I hope you'll start to actually see the results with me.  Not all healthy food has to taste like $hit!  Make it fun!  Keep it interesting!  It helps.

Now, I would also love to end this blog on a happy note.  Today I finally realized that I am making a difference with my blog.  This is a shoutout to Rachel, who would like to jump on the rusty ol' lose-weight bandwagon with me, and start working on making a support and motivation group.  This is exactly what I'm looking for from all of you.  If I've inspired you or motivated to make even a small change in your daily routine that contribues to you living a healthier lifestyle, PLEASE tell me!!!!!!  I love hearing that I'm affecting other people with this blog.  It makes me feel like I'm not just talking to myself, and that other people out there in the blogosphere actually pay attention to what I have to say.  It gives me the fuzzies inside.  :)

Good luck on your journey!  To everyone out there, I'm going to pull the typical mom, and tell everyone to "make good choices" today!  I mean it though...your body will appreciate you feeding it right.

XXOO
Megan

Tribute To Eden and My Biology Class

This post is actually relevant to the topic of my blog!  I know I have had some pretty long lapses in time between blog posts, but I'm still thinking about you, blogosphere, even while I'm waiting for inspiration to strike before writing.

Now-to the subject at hand.

Our friend Eden does a lot of things that I'm sure she isn't aware of.  I'm not sure if any of her friends have said these things to her, but I'm going to explain why I love Eden so much, and what she does for me that makes me want to improve upon myself.

Every time I see Eden, she is always very conscious about the way she smells.  She almost always has perfume with her that she'll keep on hand to freshen up throughout the day.  This has inspired me through high school and even into college to invest in good perfumes that last with me throughout the day.  More recently, she's inspired me to keep a small bottle of some perfume with me at all times-just for when you need that extra oomph.  This isn't health-related specifically, but it's always just nice to smell good.  Smelling nice gives you a little more confidence, and if you're wearing perfume that you like, every time you smell yourself you get to smile.  And smile even more when you get compliments rolling in.  :)

I first heard about her being on Weight Watchers my senior year of high school.  I joined and over time I lost 15 lbs on it!  Unfortunately, I discontinued my membership because I thought I was going to be able to do it on my own.  At the time, I was losing weight and toning up because of Champlain Loses It, but after I got home for the summer....that all got thrown out the window.  245lbs was as low as I was able to get.  My body usually regulates itself around 260-and my goal is to get to 180.   This amounts to about 80 lbs that I (still) have to lose.  What a long journey. 

In addition to just wanting to look fit, healthy, and "normal", I'm scared about what may happen if I don't lose the weight.  My grandfather has diabetes, and the majority of my family has heart problems and cholesterol/blood pressure issues.  I've been very lucky in that I have had excellent blood pressure my whole life, but that may not be the case another 5 years from now.  I want to add as many years to my life as possible, rather than deduct from them.  I love life.  I love Ryan, Ashley, Velvet, Rosie, Eden, and ALL of my wonderful, fabulous friends.  And I'm still very much in like with Mitchell.  I don't want to die before having a full, long life with everybody.  I also know that the longer I wait to lose this weight, the harder it is going to be.  Time to bite the bullet and get to it.

Aside from Eden injecting my with HUGE amounts of inspiration (she makes losing weight and staying toned look so easy and I know-probably more than most-that it isn't,) I have been taking my Intro to Biology class this summer.  These last 2 weeks my classmates have been giving their presentations on whatever topic they chose to research.  My friend Beth who sits next to me in class decided to research nutrition and what effects certain foods have on the body-and exactly how these foods affect your body (on a cellular level.)  Her presentation has recently give me that extra push I needed to get back on track.  I'm so sick and tired of having all this extra tummy flubber, and my gut.  I want so badly to be able to fit into a size 14/16 and feel hot, not just pretty when I'm walking down the street.  P.S.-ever notice how "pretty" is such a wimpy word?  Like, oh, well, you're ALMOST beautiful, but not quite.  So-you're just pretty.  I want to be recognized and appreciated for being as beautiful as I am.  I don't meant to say that in a conceited, narcissistic way, just a positive self-image way.  (Yet another thing Eden has inspired me to think of.)  I don't always have the best self-image, and I often burn myself out for other people.  She is like a breath of fresh air in the sense that she reminds me that I shouldn't be settling for other people.  I need to put people in my life who are on my level, and who are positive and who are going to recognize me and how awesome I am.  I shouldn't have to change everything I am for someone, they should accept me as I am or move on.

Lastly, both Eden and Beth inspire me to eat to be healthy and to make my body function correctly-not just eat to eat.  Eden gets SO excited about the Lyndonville Farmer's Market.  I love seeing how excited she gets about buying a whole head of local lettuce for $3.00, or water chestnuts at the grocery store.  Beth's presentation touched upon how it's probably better to stick with getting your vitamins and minerals from the food source itself, rather than through a supplement.  The reason it may be better is because of the way your body processes minerals in a supplement (pill), versus minerals found in natural food.  Vitamins and minerals found in a natural food source get digested through your intestines-and therefore are processed the way your body is supposed to process these nutrients.  If you take a pill for Vitamin B, it'll get digested through your liver, which is an entirely different process.  Maybe your body won't get as much of a benefit from a supplement versus digesting the actual food it is found in naturally.  Whoa.  Intense, huh?  Of course, if you aren't eating the right foods to get the vitamins and minerals, a supplement is perfectly acceptable.  You need to get certain nutrients into your body one way or another.  And if a pill form is the only way you can make that happen, well then have at it!

I'm noticing that I can't just do one or the other.  Everything under the category of "health" is interconnected.  Mental health, emotional health, and physical health.  If you are mentally and emotionally not well, then your physical health may begin to break down.  It makes sense.  An easy example of this is when you're trying to fall asleep, but you've got so much on your mind and you're so stressed out that you can't get to sleep for hours.  You then wake up the next day exhausted, more stressed, and really unhappy most of the day.  It only stands to reason that you can't improve upon one part of yourself without also working at least on some other part of yourself-on some level.  I mean, as you're losing weight don't you start to feel more confident and buoyant in your own body?  That's a positive connection.  You're physically taking care of your body, and your body rewards you with a happier mental/emotional state.  Awesome!

I've been exceedingly frustrated with my food situation here at home this summer.  I'm finally getting through to my family that I want more fruits and vegetables.  I'm sick of ice cream, bread, Lay's potato chips, and junk food.  I want more fiber and protein in my diet, and I want to have the freedom to make my own choices.  I'm in love with Dannon Light N' Fit yogurts and then adding granola in them.  I can't remember if I've done a little segment on how good yogurt is for you, but it's supposed to help with the bacteria all throughout your digestive system for the most part-specifically in your mouth and stomach.  Also for females-it's supposed to support vaginal health too.  Kind of cool that you get all those benefits from one food, huh?  That's like a 3 for 1 deal!  Think $ALE, ladies!

To wrap up.  All of these things floating around in my head this summer have really just all hit me tonight.  I'm determined to get myself back on Weight Watchers.  It's $30 to sign up, and then you have an option for doing a 3-month plan or a monthly one.  I'm thinking of going with the 3 month plan, and having it be taken care of for the majority of this semester.  As soon as a pay my credit card down so I have money freed up, I'm putting myself on WW.  Yes I have textbooks to buy, and I'll get them eventually.  But I need to start seriously taking care of myself.  I need to lose this weight for my physical wellbeing, my mental wellbeing, and my emotional wellbeing.  I'm sick of stressing and crying over my weaknesses in all of these areas.  It's time to build Warrior Megan.  Someone who can run (eventually-okay, maybe light jogging?,) someone who can have the mental strength to make it through my semesters of school without a breakdown, and someone who is so sure of herself and confident in herself to know exactly what she wants in a relationship-and not settle for anything less.  (Well, maybe a few exceptions here and there-relationships require growth as a team-give and take.)  But, at least a basic, solid foundation of what I won't settle for.  You don't tailor yourself to fit the dress, you tailor that dress to fit you-and so forth.  LOL!

For now-I am determined to help save the world and my own life by making smarter choices.  I know that diet is only half the battle-the other half lies in physical labor/exercise.  But, one thing at a time.  When I get back to Burlington I'll be much more active, and I'll be enrolled in Zumba classes again.  I'm going to do my best to cut back severely on all processed foods, work on eating more natural foods, and find foods that make my body work well for me.  It's a lot to put together all at once, I agree.  But, unfortunately in my own mind-it's necessary.  I just need to continue channeling my muse, Eden, and her excitement about beets and other vegetables.  They do your body good.

Until next time. 

Much love!
<3 Megan <3

My Pores Still Work

Hi, all!

Yesterday I got my exercise in!  Too bad it was 97 degrees outside, but you take what you can get I suppose.

I went on my 6 hr field trip with my Intro to Bio class I've been taking at CCV this summer.  Around 9:30-10am, we arrived at our first stop.  After a 15-20 min climb up a hill of about a 70 degree incline, we made it to our first site.  (This was when I almost passed out about three times from my heart working too hard-just FYI.)  I WAS keeping myself hydrated.  That is SUPER important on a day where the heat is through the roof.  However, my instructor thought that we all hiked on a regular basis or something so she went like 80 mph up the hill (that's legit-haha.)  Anywho, after finally arriving and noticing my skin seep sweat everywhere, I cooled off by listening to our instructor talk for about 10 minutes.  Whew.  Yep, sweat is rolling down my body everywhere.  Fantastic.

(Skip all the boring searches we did in the stream, our findings, and our next 45-50 min talk.) Actually-we did find a Northern Dusky Salamander which was cute, but that was about it.

Our next site after climbing back down the mountain was on the Mad River in Waitesfield.  WATER.  I WISH I'd had my bathing suit, because that is the most awesome swimming hole I've seen in a LONG time.  Ryan-we're going.  No questions.  Get in the car.  NOW.  Hahaha.  So, when we got there we ate lunch, and then talked for another 20-30 mins, THEN we got to go walk through the river.  OOOOHHH it felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good.  Like, you have NO idea.  Unfortunately this site was out in the open sun.  And me being a redhead and all, I wasn't expecting that to go over too well.  Fortunately for me though, I was smart that morning and had brought sunblock to put on before we left.  As of now, I'm about three shades darker than I was pre-field trip.  Awesome!  I was thinking I would have had to reapply my sunblock more often than just the once in the morning because the sunblock was about a year old, and I had been sweating all morning.  Yup, my pores still work okay.

Regardless, this second site was MUCH more enjoyable.  No evil horseflies trying to get a chunk out of you, no 70 degree incline of a hill, and plenty of water to go around.  If I hadn't been worried about getting Beth's car all wet on our ride back, I would TOES have completely submerged myself.

It was all a good time.  My body still remembers how to sweat, and I made it out alive.

YAY!

<3 Megan <3

Fleeting Motivation and More on Mr. Scarborough

Hmph.  Today I'm here to rant about fleeting motivation when I really should be doing something more important such as homework.  (Psh, who does homework?  Really?  C'mon.)  Haha!  (Those of you who know me know I'm just kidding.) 

So, in what areas of my life is motivation fleeting?

Well, for one, since the whole "exercise" thing hasn't been going that great (thanks a lot, Lyndonville,) there's one area.  Until tonight, my housecleaning skills had temporarily abandoned me.  Of course, I've had a bit more on my mind than keeping my room tidy lately (hint: Mr. Scarborough-more on him later,) but tonight I was able to whip myself into a cleaning frenzy.  *Throws a party for myself to celebrate my slight reconquest of motivation.*  Laundry done and put away, little by little things coming up off the floor, and my homework somewhat coming along, all in all I'd consider it a good night.

So, what am I trying to say?  I guess just that I can relate.  Keeping focused is hard especially when you have a lot going on.  It's not to say I've given up on everything altogether, just that everyone has a time when things aren't going exactly as he or she wishes they would.  To be completely honest, it might be a good thing if I could get back on Weight Watchers for the summer.  I feel bad though because my grandmother footed the bill last time, and by the time Velvet, Ashley and I got to Champlain Loses It, I didn't need it anymore because we could all do it on our own.  But now that I'm back by myself, it's all falling apart again.  I really want to try to peel some of this weight back off again, but my surroundings and environment make that really hard.  (Especially when I want to eat right for my body, but all's we've had in the house constantly is bread.  So, toast for breakfast, some sort of sandwich for lunch, and more toast or bread for supper.)  Not exactly a well-balanced diet.  I admit some of the shortcomings are me just failing at cooking skills because I haven't learned how certain dishes go together yet, but it's hard.  Also, there is a distinct lack of motivation to eat apples and fruit.  I love apples and peanut butter!  Why hasn't it looked appetizing to me in like, a month?!  WHY AM I NOT BEING MYSELF?!

Writing this is making me really depressed, but it's good to get this all out I suppose.  Repressing this kind of stuff is never good for anybody.  Creating a healthy lifestyle for yourself (including a well-balanced diet and exercise schedule) isn't just hard, it's nearly impossible.  And now with my work schedule down to about 10 hrs/week, I don't even have the money to do anything extra for myself (much less contribute to seeing Mr. Scarborough more often...which makes me impossibly sad.) :(  Somehow, someway, I'm going to do this.  There will be a day where things get easier all around.  There will be a day when I am free of the majority of my debt (student loans,) and there will be day when I can settle down with an amazing husband, Lara & Phoebe & co., and Ryan living in the basement working as the on-call babysitter for my yet-to-be-conceived children.  There will be a day when I reach my goals.  And world, you best be looking out when that happens.  America will never be the same.  =D

For those of you out there who are in the same rut I am, hang in there ladies and gents.  We'll get out of here sometime.  But I suppose now is one of those times that makes the whole struggle worth the while.  Now will be one of those times you can look back on and be like "Whew, I remember that.  Rough stuff, but it showed me what I was really made of."  (Leave a comment at the end of all this if you're in a rut as well.  Maybe we can pull each other out!)

Now, for more on Mr. Scarborough.  We have officially had our first date and in my mind we are now at "officially dating" status.  Those of you who have read the story on FaceBook can skip this next part, but here's my take on how the day went:

__________________________________________________________________________
For all of you who wanted to know how my first date with Mitchell went, here's the rundown/play-by-play. :)

My mom, gram, and I set off at 1 today (on time!) for North Conway, NH. Now, this is kind of an awesome feat considering how long it took me to get ready for this date (1.5 hrs.) Not that I was actually doing a lot for that whole span of time. I mean, I only take a half hour with taking a shower and getting dressed. But the rest of it was mostly psyching myself up in the mirror. My only makeup: eyeliner and mascara. Not a lot. And I don't usually wear make up, so that was a nice change for me. Anywho, I sort of digress. My hair didn't want to cooperate with what I wanted it to do (I was trying to make it flip out a little bit all the way around, but it came out looking bad so I just flat ironed it back out.) Note: this is one of those times I'm glad I have straight hair. It isn't hard to put it back where it belongs if you try something and it doesn't work out. That took about 20 minutes. Finally I gave up and just threw a flower in my hair. Whatever. Haha.
So, on the way to N. Conway, there was some beautiful scenery. But....you all don't really want to hear about that do you? :P Okay, skip to the first time we see each other.
We arrived first to Applebees, so I was planning to kind of mentally prepare myself for how the date was going to go. I wasn't really sure what was going to happen today, so I was just going to go with the flow basically. Well in the meantime, Mitch had pulled into the parking lot, and by the time I realized he was here he was already walking towards the car. Crap. Guess I'm not preparing anything. Haha! So I stumble out of the car and kind of wait to see what happens. We hug. Awww! We chit chat back and forth about nothing in particular until we enter the restaurant.

My mom picks up the tab for our table, so we get led off to our own table first, then my mom and gram get seated afterwards. Note: we realized it worked out perfectly after all because they could still see us and what was happening, but were out of earshot. Whew. :)
Now, my memory isn't always that great (my mother even testified for me today on her own about that,) but here's some of the cute things I remember from lunch/dinner....does that make it dinch or linner? (I think I like linner.)
1) The Straw Story: Our waiter was awesome, but realized he only had one straw in his apron when he brought our drinks out. As he goes to get another, Mitchell takes the straw, unwraps it, and sticks it in my raspberry iced tea. Awwwww!!!! Yeah, I was kind of excited about that.

2) Hand holding! At the table! WHOA! Like, did you know that can happen? Haha! This was really awesome because I apparently had poor circulation today. (Maybe it came from being nervous, in which case all the blood in your body goes to your core in attempt to keep you alive?) Gotta love biological functions.
3) Intense eye contact. I felt like my soul was being searched and it made me wiggle a little bit. That was a little outside of my comfort zone because that hasn't really happened to me before. But overall, I think I liked it. I hope Mitchell liked whatever it was he saw, even if I did squirm at being put on the spotlight. :)
4) :) <-Exactly. He made me smile and laugh, a lot. Very much a plus.
*5) Five is starred because this isn't necessarily from linner, but just in what I've noticed since talking with him. This guy is brilliant. He very much has his own opinions on just about anything and everything. Seriously, he's like a walking encyclopedia. I just want to pick his brain and learn from him ALL the time. So far I've been able to keep up on what he's asked me my opinions on (ex: Scientiology, what our country has come to, etc,) but I'm even just ok with hearing him rationalize about what his opinions are, and why they are what they are. He's so full of fun facts with just about anything you bring up with him, and I genuinely enjoy just having conversations about nothing in particular with him. Mitchell- you're still perfect. <3
Mkay, back to the date. Lunch was fabulous. Mitchell enjoyed some delicious Chicken Alfredo, and I had a blast with my Grilled Chicken with Garlic (which came with broccoli.) Note: not the best choice in terms of breath freshness and pieces of food stuck in teeth afterwards, but I didn't really want to be licking my fingers after eating Chicken Tenders and then hand holding. I like hand holding. I'm not a fan of passing germs around. :P
At some point my mom came up and shared that we'd be going to Coldstone Creamery for dessert, so after finishing our meal, we went there!
As we were leaving the restaurant, my mom (probably subconsciously, but still nontheless) demonstrated her trust by asking how we were getting to Coldstone's. "So, how are we going to do this? Do you guys want to drive together, or do you all want to come with us, or what?" Yaay! We've demonstrated that Mitchell isn't some serial-killer dude that's going to kill me! Points!

Coldstones=awesome. Everyone got fabulous icecream. This place was important because Mitchell, my mom, my gram, and I all got to talk together as one big group. This gave my mom and gram and Mitchell time to interact with one another, and to do more of the trust-building thing. I think overall it went extremely well. In here Mitchell and I got to playfully gently shouldering one another, and while I was sitting next to him we kind of rubbed our knees together. Awww! ;) Hehe. Oh! And there's a possible trip to Boston to the acquarium with Mitchell and friends (sounds like a movie. hahahaha!) in the beginning of July. This sounds so awesome. We've just got to work out the details, $$$ to go, and transportation. RAWR. I mean, how many ways can one person get to Boston? Train, plane, bus, and automobile. Hahaha. One of those has to cut it. I hope it can work out! I just hope I don't have to drag everyone down because this might have to be a day trip for me. I mean, I'd love to make it an overnight and just go home with Mitch, but I actually have to meet his mom first (which I don't mind, thats okay with me,) and make sure we can work out the details once again.
After Coldstones, my mom and gram decide they want to look at some of the shopping centers. So we go to the Christmas Tree Shop. This first of all makes me miss Ashley. I'M COMING DARLING, HOLD ON UNTIL FRIDAY!!! So after watching Mitch return a cart to it's proper designated return tent (awww!) we walk in the front door. Noodles are for sale. You know, the kind you go swimming with. My urge? Buy like 10 of them and take them with me to 308 to have a HUGE wet noodle fight on our first night there. Seriously, how awesome would that be? THREE stories of college kids running around with a noodle to fight one another. You can't pack in too much more awesome into one event as that. I later found out that Mitchell would have been toes fine with grabbing two and having a mini fight right there in the store, but at the time my grandmother probably wouldn't have approved. :)
Walking around the store was where the physical contact started. Lots more hand holding, palm on my lower back (love that move. :] ) and just general closeness. I'm a big fan. Seriously. I've missed close physical contact like that for a loooong time, and it was SO nice to get some of it back today. Does anybody else notice Mitch's perfecto-meter going up still? ;)

As if this weren't all good enough, my mom and gram started bickering as usual about which way to go and how to get from Point A to Point B. He found this halarious. Which I'm glad of. Sometimes they can get a little scary with one another, but everything today was just really light hearted. I LOVE his laugh so much. It's a really carefree, kick back and REALLY enjoy yourself kind of laugh. I'm glad my family was amusing. :)
The results? All in all today was a fabulous day. I wouldn't have had it any other way, and I hope it wasn't too nervewracking on his side. My family tries not to be intimidating, but I know it doesn't always come across that way. Bottom line: I'm happy again. I haven't been this giddy and excited about a boy in about 4 years. Ryan's even noticing the difference. Seriously, talk to him. :P I'm very happy right now, and I feel like I'm in a good place. Leave some comments about what you read that you liked!
<3 Megan <3
 
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Mmm hmmm...yeah, it really was that good.  I can't wait to spend more time with him, and just bask in the presence of one another.  I'd be really comfortable just getting together to watch a movie as long as I got to be near him.  I forgot how much physical closeness meant to me, not that I really got a lot of it in the past.  It was either annoying because it was all "poke"-based, or not much of anything. 
 
Here's to new beginnings (as I raise my Diet Lipton Green Tea w/ Citrus.)  New beginnings involving re-ignition of the flame for the motivation you need to accomplish any said task, new beginnings in your love life, new beginnings in every and any aspect of your life.  Tell me your stories.  Until next time.
 
Much love and happiness!
 
<3 Megan <3

The "E-Word"

In hopes of getting my blog back up and going again, I've decided to post something oozing with my personality.  Sarcasm and wit aside, there is some really good information in here.  Please take the sarcastic remarks with a grain of salt, and focus on the information that you should be getting from this post.  <3

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Show of hands.  How many of you have heard of the E-Word?  Anybody?  Hellloooooo....echo, echo, echo.  Okay, well let me expand.  Take a look at this.

Ring any bells this time?  Good!!!  We're getting somewhere!

Remember these people?

(Jane Fonda)

(Richard Simmons)

Ahh yes, glorious times.  I mean, who DOESN'T have perfect legs like Miss Jane, and who ISN'T always as happy and perky about everything as Mr. Simmons?  Psh, totally not even an issue.

So, exercise.  First off I want to point out that the word 'exercise' is SO difficult to spell.  Like, it shouldn't be that difficult!  It took me up until a year or two ago to begin spelling it the way it is supposed to be spelt. 

We should be getting a work out just flipping through the dictionary to find out how to spell exercise!

Whew!  Anywho, where was I?

Oh yes, right.  So, is anybody here tonight an avid exercise fan?  YOU SIR, IN THE BACK!!! GET UP HERE AND GIVE ME A HI-5!  YEAH!  That guy knows where it's at.  Nobody else?  Okay, well, let's see if we can change that.

Whenever I hear the word exercise, I sometimes still cringe.  Who wants to get all sweaty and gross, out of breath, red in the face, and bent out of shape while trying to get in shape?  I mean, there's GOT to be an easier way to do this, right?!  Wrong.  You put on the pounds baby, you get to take 'em off.

Now, I know it would be toes awesome if we could all get one of the butt jiggler machines:

...and maybe sip some iced tea while we're at it?  But...

unfortunatley exercise doesn't work like that.  Ahh, that hit the spot.  Yep.  Letting a machine jiggle your butt or stomach fat for a few hours while chowing down on more calories is totally going to do a lot for you.  (Sarcasm, folks.  In case you can't detect it.)  Nope, unfortunately, if you're going to lose the weight, you've got to put in the hard work.  (I know, sucks, right?) 

Well, to make you feel better, let me show you what you DON'T have to do:

Mmmm...I love flipping my legs above my ears in the morning.

Let me get at some of that toe jam before I grab my early-morning glass of OJ & PB on toast.

Oh!  I love me an early morning sprinting marathon or two!  Wakes me right up!

(Okay, so notice I mentioned 'morning' in all three....I promise you don't have to only ever exercise right when you roll out of bed.)  HOWEVER, maybe that could be the best time for you?  Is the rest of your day jam-packed, and are you completely wiped out when you get home at night?  Why not try starting out with an easy (slow) 20 crunches in the morning, and try your hand at one full girly push up.  (On hands and knees, feet in the air.)  [Note: if you can do more, go for it!]  Doing something to get your blood pumping is a fabulous start to the day.  It gives you that fresh pink glow (which looks awesome on everybody, but especially awesome on girls,) and aids in your natural beauty throughout the rest of the day.

Are you more of an afternoon exercise person?  Find somewhere to go on your lunch break.  So, it might look awkward doing crunches in your cubicle or in the middle of the sales floor where you work as a cashier, but here's some other fun stuff that you can work on without anybody else being the wiser about what's going on.

Work on your posture.  This has lots of awesome benefits.  First off, notice how when this guy slouches over, he looks like he has more of a tummy?  That's what happens to you too.  When you stand up comfortably straight, your body returns to its natural alignment.  But beware, you don't want to look like you're strutting around like a peacock on Adderol (sp?).  Improved posture helps with circulation, with breathing (which is kind of important, I mean, if you're into that kind of thing,) and makes you look you're actual size.  (Always better than the negative alternative.)  Also, you actually ARE working some muscles.  Soon your abdominal muscles will probably start to feel a little sore.  That's a good thing!  It means you're using the proper muscles in your body to hold yourself upright.  Keep doing that!

Another thing for you afternoon people.  Do you have any stairs?

This guy knows what's up.  Okay, so I'm assuming you don't have an amphitheatre or ballpark stadium in your work vicinity.  However, even a small set of 10-20 stairs could really work to your benefit.  If you've got 5-10 minutes before you have to go back to work, why not climb some stairs?  It's a great way to get active.  Also, if you climb them really fast (or do that fun bouncy thing that a lot of athletic people can do when they climb stairs,) you'll boost your heart rate, which will get you breathing faster and get your blood pumping again.  Blood moving through your body is a good thing!  It brings all that wonderful oxygen you're breathing to all the nooks and crannies of your body and refuels them to help work for you and make your body a happier and healthy place to live in.

My third suggestion?  I've recently (well, okay, my mommy bought them for me,) invested in Sketcher's Shape-Ups.  Yes, yes, I know.  They run about $100/pair.  BUT, if you don't have stairs in your area or are in an industry that requires you to stand for a majority of your work day, these shoes could be your best friends.

It all comes down to how bad you really want to do this weight-loss thing, I suppose.  I mean, I definitely understand that not everybody has an extra $100 cash lying around that they can just fork over for a brand new pair of shoes.  BUT, the moral of the story is that you need to start making some sacrifices somewhere.  The good news?  It's a sacrifice you will be making for yourself.  It means that you respect yourself enough that instead of driving next door to McDonald's for lunch, you're willing to walk to Cumberland Farms across the street and getting yourself a grinder instead.  Your body in turn will throw a huge party.  It won't have to digest as many fats and unhealthy particles, and it will maybe have some veggies *gasp!* with which to get something out of.  Seriously.  Rager in your tummy.

All you evening and late-night exercisers.  You are harder to categorize because once everyone is out of work, there's no telling where you all will go.  If you don't mind walking in circles, maybe check out your local high school's track.  Try speed walking, jogging (if your body can handle it,) and don't forget to stretch out before ever doing anything strenuous with your body.  

If you need something closer to home, why not utilize what you've got in your house?  Just because I poked a little fun at Richard Simmons doesn't mean you totally can't use his exercise tapes.  I mean, yeah he's a scary-looking dude, but if he is what motivates you to make your body strong and healthy again, who am I to knock that?  Exercise videos are awesome as long as you're paying attention to your body, and not pushing yourself too hard.  Always keep plenty of H2O on hand (I'll mention this again later down in this post.)

Chairs.  Anybody ever have a problem doing squats because your knees, legs, and feet aren't always able to hold your weight?  (I don't mean squatting down just to pick something up, I mean those long, strenuous squats you do specifically in an exercise class.)  Yeah, about that......haha.  Well, as a good back up, try squatting over a chair.  If your legs give out, you won't have fall to far to sit on your butt, and you'll have a place to rest for a few minutes if you need to catch your breath, etc.  Chairs are awesome!  (Also, you could do this over the sofa facing the tv.  That way you're still catching Grey's while getting some exercise in!)

All's I ask is that you please stay safe and be smart about what you're doing.  DON'T go for a three mile walk after dark, DON'T push yourself beyond your limits, and DON'T EVER continue to do an exercise if it's painful to you.  Pain=you're not doing something right OR you're doing something your body isn't ready for just yet.  If you're into lifting weights (not free weights, the other heavy-duty kind,) ALWAYS have a spotter.  Injuries are no fun.  Trust me.

Some quick DO's?

This kid's got the right idea.  Drink water...and lots of it, especially if you've been perspiring (that's a big word for sweating.)  :) 

ALWAYS remember to break in new sneakers before taking them out with you to a full-fledged exercise session.  We don't need to add more pain to the already (hopefully) sore and tired muscles we're about to create.  Wear new shoes around the house for a few days before taking them out to guide you through your exercises.

DO bring some buds (whenever possible!)  Having someone there walking beside you helps the time go by faster.  It's important to always be listening to your body, but having someone there with you to help you finish that last lap around the track for the night, or to chat with you while you're walking your three miles on the treadmill makes it seem not that difficult.  Plus, it'll be awesome to know that you have the support of someone close whenever you feel that your motivation is slipping, or when you need someone to help get you back on track.

At the end of the day, you need to do what's best for you.  If that means waking up at 5am to do yoga and Pilate's 4 times a week, awesome.  If that means walking an additional 20 miles a week, wonderful!  Whatever changes you make are ones that need to fit into your life.  Otherwise, you're going to find yourself stuck very quickly, and possibly extremely frustrated.  Work with someone who knows you best to decide what changes are possible for you and your body, and what things can't be budged. 

The E-Word really isn't so bad after all.  Just take it one step at a time.

Write me if you need moral support!  (I know I do.)

<3 Megan <3

P.S. None of the pictures featured here are mine.  All were found on Google Images.  (Just needed something to demonstrate what I was talking about.)  =)

Big Girl in the Gym! Whoa!

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days!!  Things have been crazy around here; watching the LOST finale with Ryan (and texting Ashley all throughout,) working my Friday through Sunday schedule at:

and meeting some new people online.

(Just for legality purposes and what not because I'm not looking to get sued by anybody for anything after putting this picture in here, anything I say in this post or in my blog is not the views of Kinney Drugs or any of it's affiliates.  This is all my own opinion, and my own thinking.  I'm just working at Kinney's part time to help me pay my way through college.  [Textbooks are EXPENSIVE!!!!]  I enjoy my job, and I love the people I work with.  I'm not working against Kinney's in any way.)

I've recently (as of last night,) started talking with someone online.  For now, let's call him Mr. Scarborough.  He's funny, sweet, and is always making me smile (although he doesn't actually know that last part for sure because we haven't actually met face-to-face yet.)  This was a big enough deal that I had Ryan come up to my house on his break from McD's so we could chat about it!  Hahaha.  I love having on-call best friends!  Overall, I think I like Mr. Scarborough.  I want to meet him in person, but I've got to figure out how to save for the gas $$$, and where to actually meet up.  As a girl, I'm a bit more cautious about where I meet someone as I don't want to end up raped and murdered like the hundreds/thousands of other girls we've seen on tv.  I'm trying to remind myself to take it slow because falling too hard too fast has never ended well for anybody in the past, and this time will be no exception.  I'm letting life take me where it will, and I'll make what seems to be the smartest decisions I can under the given circumstances along the way.

Now, onto my real reason for today's post.  I have 30-or-so ideas for blog posts I have created in the past 3 days.  This is the first of them.  I'm trying to stay with the new focus of my blog, and to offer some new perspective to you out there who are "skinny" (I use quote marks because "skinny," "big," "plus-size," and any other variants are all relative and subjective.)  Many "thin" people don't realize what exactly goes through the mind of someone "big" when in seemingly normal, everyday situations, like, going to the gym for instance.  Well, in all my glory at 260 lbs, i shall enlighten you.

This post is dedicated to all the "big" people in the gym.  (Specifically, women.  I don't know exactly what it's like for a "large" man to be in the gym, but I can imagine that some face the same insecurities that women do.)

So, what's it like for me in the gym?  Intimidating.  Daunting.  I usually get defensive and protective of myself.  Why?  Well, nobody is physically attacking me.  As far as I know I'm not being taunted.  It's actually just the way people look at you.  You feel like the the other "smaller" people are judging you for showing up in a place like this.  And sometimes, they are.  Especially women.  Whoever said words can't hurt was lying.

But you know what?  If you're "big" and you can relate to this post because you've been to the gym, CONGRATULATIONS!  You went to the gym to try to keep your body healthy.  That is AWESOME, no matter the judgements passed onto you.  If you respect yourself enough to get right back up on that proverbial horse when you fall off, then you've got my full-fledged support!

Personally, I've taken on a new attitude about the gym in the past few years.  All those "thin" people at the gym?  Yeah, they can shove it.  You have more courage and stamina than they do if you are "big", and can bring yourself to the gym, regardless of how many pounds you can lift, or how many miles you can (or can't) run.  You're "big" and you're trying to get and stay healthy by bringing down your weight.  That almost gives you more of a right to be in there busting butt than the stereotypical pretty blonde who can run on the treadmill for a full hour.

I mean, it's important that all the "smaller" people stay healthy too, but just remember that you have just as much right to go to the gym as the pretty blonde.

Everyone is amazing in their own way, and everyone deserves to be healthy and happy.  As a "big" person, it takes a lot more effort to be comfortable with yourself to let others watch you as you jiggle away on a stationary bike.  (Note: I understand that other people have other flaws as well, but those are other stories for other times.)

My blog is here to hopefully inspire you who are faltering in the weight loss department, and to help you form a bond with someone who is going/has gone through the same thing as you.  It's rough, and it's sure as hell not easy, but I think it can be done.  "Losing weight" is always easier said than done, but when working together, maybe not.  Maybe not..

<3 Until next time, much love! <3

-Megan

Wait...What?

Okay.  So, my body is like WTF?  I woke up this morning, and apparently I've lost 4 lbs in the span of like, 12 hours.  256.  Not that I'm complaining, but wtf.  I mean, it could be because my body is in Girly Week Mode (GWM-read: PERIOD,) however, that's still kind of a lot.  Granted, I haven't eaten my first meal of the day yet because I just woke up at 11, BUT...still.  :)

Yesterday I spent a good hour of my life looking for a gadget to add to Blogger that would track my weight loss/gain, so you could all see it on a chart.  However, Blogger doesn't appear to have that sort of thing, and when I tried to google it (check out igoogle.com,) apparently the "Create Your Own" gadget option by inserting a URL doens't actually work.  So, we're left with all of you actually having to read my blog posts to find out where I'm at.  Sorry!

Anywho, I'm pretty much loving my work schedule.  I'm working Fri/Sat/Sun of every week at Kinneys, and usually on the closing shifts.  FABULOUS!!!! :D  This gives me Monday-Thursday of complete blogging freedom, CCV classes, Friend Frolicing, etc!  I mean, it sucks that I can't go anywhere on the weekends, but I actually wouldn't have been able to anyway due to lack of $$$.

Oh well.  More fun for me.

Someday when I get really excited I might spend a day in my bathing suit at Willoughby beach.  Mmmm...sunshine.

In other related news:
ASHLEY!  I FORGOT TO CALL YOU LAST NIGHT!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON!!!  My plan was to wait for the 7-9 slot because I knew I'd be with Ryan at Jake's house for a bbq and I wanted to surprise you by having both of us speak, but then we started writing a screenplay from one of Ryan's on stage productions, and at 12:30 we were like, "Oh, shit!!!!!"  AHHHH!!!

Okay, so I work until 9 tonight.  When I get home from work I usually eat supper then go on FB.  If by like, 10 I haven't called you but I am on FB, tell me to call you and we WILL talk.  Seriously, I feel bad. :(

<333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

On a lighter note, can I just say that this looks amazing?
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B-B-Q Chicken Pizza

Shared by: Debbi
5 Points Per Serving


Also made this over the weekend. Again...definitely pleased hubby and was a good portion size. Enjoy!!!

1 (10-ounce) package refrigerated pizza dough
3/4 c. chopped green pepper (about 1 medium)
3/4 c. thinly sliced red onion (about 1 small)
1/2 c. honey barbecue sauce
1-1/2 c. shredded cooked chicken breast
1 c. (4 oz.) shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese


1. Coat a 12-in. pizza pan or large baking sheet with cooking spray. Unroll dough, and press into pan. Bake at 425º for 5 - 7 minutes or until crust begins to brown. 2. While crust bakes, coat a medium nonstick skillet with cooking spray; place over medium-high heat until hot. Add green pepper and onion and cook, stirring constantly, 5 minutes or until vegetables are tender. 3. Spread barbecue sauce evenly over baked crust; topevenly with chicken. Arrange vegetable mixture evenly over chicken; sprinkle with cheese. Bake 8 additional minutes or until crust is golden and cheese melts.

Yield: 6 servings
238 Calories 0.9 Fiber 5.5 Fat
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(Adapted from: http://www.angelfire.com/journal/wwrecipes/b1.htm)

Mmmm... I want pizza...

But for now...time to go scrounge something up from my kitchen.
While I'm gone, feel free to check out my Harry Potter Quotes Gadget.  It's the one at the top in the white background.  There's an ad on top and I know it's annoying, but scroll down.  There's a quote and the name of who said it. :)

Much love.

Until next time!

<3 Megan <3