It's Hot; I'm Melting. Here's My Thoughts on Religion?

I'm pretty positive I can swim through the air today on Cape Cod.  It has been muggy and hot and humid for the past two days, and tomorrow is supposed to be the same.  

I consumed an entire pint of my favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor: Chocolate Fudge Brownie tonight just to cool off, and it worked....for about an hour.

 

There are so many things going through my mind right now between boyfriend stuff, job stuff, and living arrangement stuff for the upcoming months.  There are going to be big changes, ones that I hope I am ready for, and some that I know I'm ready for.

Which is why I continue to be up so late on my days off, thinking about things and hoping for the best for myself.  There are so many unknown variables in my life.  Any decision I make at this point in my life is going to put me on an entirely different life path than I would have been on if I had made the opposite decision.  That's a lot of pressure, much like the episode "Turn Left" in Doctor Who, Season 4, Episode 11.  You can watch it on Netflix or probably look it up on Youtube in parts.

So many things are about to change and I'm about to embark on a completely different life journey.  I want to serve whatever purpose I have in this world and help, touch, and connect with the people I am destined to encounter.  I want to live a comfortable lifestyle, and make sure I do whatever I can to become fully financially independent from my family all the while creating a comfortable living atmosphere and environment for myself and whomever I choose to share my life with.  I hope to be the best person I can be, and to really immerse myself in the experience of living, and working hard for that living.  I want to know that I am earning every dollar I make, and that I am dedicating myself to being the best version of myself I can possibly be.

Life/Karma has a way of returning to you whatever you deserve.  I want to put as many positive vibes in the universe not just so that I can get something good back out of it at the end of the day, but just so that I know I am sending as much positive energy into this universe as possible.  Period.  I don't want to be the person that is good and does good because s/he knows that s/he will be getting a reward for doing so, but because I feel it is the right thing to do.  

I'm not sure why I'm having this huge deep, defining moment of my life at 12:30 am when I feel like I'm sweating out every single toxin in my body, or why it feels so New Age-y, but I suppose in moments of stress/distress is when a lot of "Aha!" moments happen.  Perhaps I work best under pressure?

I suppose I've always been a New Age spiritualist.  I was baptized Catholic as a child, but once my Mom and I moved on, we stopped going to church.  I do believe there is some higher power out there, but I don't necessarily think it is one all-encompassing god (or goddess for that matter).  I think of this higher power like a huge diamond in the sky, with many different facets.  These facets reflect down on the world  creating different perspectives; gods, and goddesses in all different regions across the globe.  However, each of these higher powers stem from the same source.  When I decide to do my form of "praying", I pray generally to all gods and goddesses, (1) because I'm sure in many cases I need all the help I can get, and (2) because I don't want to offend any gods/goddesses that do exist in case they do come in different entities.  

When I do pray, I try to keep myself in perspective and not wish for a certain outcome in a situation.  I ask only that I am guided to whatever path I am supposed to be on, and that things will work out for me in the grand scheme of things "for the greater good".  I know that sometimes life hurls challenges at you right and left, but they're to help you learn, grow, and become stronger for the next set of obstacles you have to face.  I feel like everything is all a part of a grand design.  Again, as I mentioned in a previous post, this doesn't give you the free reign to let the cards fall where they may.  You still have the ability to make choices, and to decide if you will step up to the plate and face the challenges that are coming at you.  You have the ability to live a better life and to make better choices for yourself.  

Finally, my environmentalist side comes out.  I feel that all Earthly creatures come from the Earth, and are returned to the Earth (in both a physical and spiritual way).  When I die, I hope I am not buried in a casket.  I would like to be returned to the world in the most natural way possible.  I want to decompose directly in the ground without being protected by a wooden casket, be cremated, or (as terrible as this sounds), be returned to the ocean to be eaten by fish and sea creatures.  Seriously, what is the point of being protected in a casket?  You're dead.  Just let nature take you back.  I know this sounds like a grotesque, horror movie scene, but really, I don't want to use more of the Earth's materials to give me a "proper burial".  I just want to be left in piece(s) [see what I did there?] to be consumed again by nature, and folded back into the planet like a nice pizza dough.

I'm not sure whether I believe in reincarnation per se.  But I believe that we have a symbiotic relationship with the Earth we come from.  Just because we are human doesn't mean we have the right to overpopulate and destroy the miracles of life, peace, and solace on this planet.  We are no greater than the common squirrels, shrimp, or dung beetle that also exist on this planet.  In the grand scheme of things, we are all just a life form trying to survive.  So why do us humans continue to do nearly everything we can to ruin or spoil life-when so little of it already exists?  Greed.  Lust for power.  The power to feel "human" emotions.  The same components that "set us apart" from other life forms-a brain to think with and process complicated situations.  A brain with emotions when once corrupted, ruins life for all others nearby.

Sorry that this just turned into a very political rant.  But it's how I feel.  We come from this planet.  Ingesting all of these synthetic materials and man-made toxins are not doing us any favors.  Notice how you feel better after eating a wholesome turkey sandwich with cheddar cheese on whole grain bread and veggies over a McDonald's value meal?  (Don't get me wrong-I do love the taste of McDonald's food).  But the food is probably mostly synthetic.  It's bad for you, brings more toxins and salts/fats into your body that most people typically don't need, and leaves you hungry for more later on.  Whatever chemicals are used in the food create sort of an addiction.  Once you go to "splurge" once, it's hard to resist the temptation to do it again.  

Also, apparently the nuggets from McDonald's melt into liquid?  "One former McDonald’s employee warned against the chicken nuggets recalling: ‘I accidentally left a whole bag of about 100 chicken nuggets out on a counter for way too long. They melted. Into a pool of liquid. I never understood why. But they were completely indiscernible as being the nuggets I once knew."  Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2173221/Chicken-nuggets-dirty-ice-dont-dare-touch-ketchup-bottle-The-dangers-fast-food-choices-people-work-joints.html#ixzz20qwB8iiP

Anyway-back to my point.  The reason you feel better after eating the turkey sandwich is because it's made of wholesome products coming directly from nature.  All of the nutrients are still in the food, and it doesn't leave you CRAVING more hours later.  You also feel better about yourself for making a healthy choice over the easy way out.  Plus, your body runs better once it has all of these nutrients coming more directly from nature.  

All of these things are suddenly coming back to the forefront as I'm thinking about my life and how I want to lead it.  So what, I'm most comfortable being a New Age spiritualist?  So what I actually own my own Tarot Deck (not that I use it often, but I hope to remedy that once I have my own place that isn't in a college dormitory)?  So what I perceive my "god" to be a little different than yours?  This doesn't make me a bad person.  This doesn't mean I'm messing with the dark forces of the universe and am opening doors that I don't know how to close.  This means I'm living life as best I can, and doing what I can to make my home on Earth as good a place as possible, while accepting a little help and guidance from my friends in the big diamond in the sky every so often.  

As soon as I am home with access to my candles again, I shall light one and reflect on every other person in the world who is at the same life transition place as myself.  We have lots of big choices to make, and not a lot of time to make these choices.  This is the biggest life transition of them all-leaving the house for good, spreading our wings, and learning how to fly.  We could all use a little luck and guidance right now.

From my brain to yours,

Megan

I'm Poor.

Ah, Ramen.  We've all fallen into your grasp at one point or another.

My apologies for lack of a more creative title for this post.  I'm very stressed lately because of how broke I seem to continue to be.  And there's no light at the end of the tunnel for at least another 2 years-once I can complete my Master's in Social Work degree and FINALLY MAYBE start my real life as a fully grown, financially independent adult.

I still have about $300 more worth of textbooks to purchase, an estimated $300 parking pass to purchase and that's not including my $70/month phone bill and $40/month credit card bill, or gas for the car, oil changes, etc.  You know, basic life stuff.  And the thing is, I really don't actually have that many bills.  Just phone and credit card-and my credit card payment is really cheap (because I have a Discover Student Credit Card which gives me a credit limit of only $500-thank God).  My problem is that I don't have enough money to feel comfortable making my monthly bills.  There literally aren't enough hours in the day for me to work enough hours to make enough money to feel really truly secure.  

I just want to live comfortably.  I'm not looking to become a millionaire and hoard my millions of dollars away from society forever.  I want to spend a little to have fun every month, get by on bills, and still have enough extra to put away in a savings account just in case of a huge life emergency.  I REALLY don't think I'm asking for a whole hell of a lot.  Unfortunately I need to take out $80,000 in loans to get my Master's degree which will help me get an adequate paying job in order to support myself for the rest of my life.  

What's even more stressful is that my family isn't able to help out at all with grad school.  They've already done so much to help me get through undergrad that they're pretty much tapped out.  I feel bad that I'm part of the reason they're so strapped right now, but I also really can't help it that society has deemed it necessary to not only have your high school diploma, but a college degree (Master's preferred in most cases) in order to get a job that will sustain you.  

I'm really starting to resent the Capitalist system.  The 'survival of the fittest' or 'each (wo)man for his/her self is ridiculous.  We're all human, we're all in this together.  Everyone needs to make a living, everyone needs to survive.  Collectivist societies have the right idea, I think.  I'm just so sick of America and how the poor and downtrodden continue to be trodden upon regardless of how hard they work, while rich floozies can sit on their laurels and become famous for being dramatic idiotic a$$holes.  In WHAT society does that make sense to anyone?

I'm seriously considering moving to Canada once I have my Master's.  I want to check out Toronto, and some of the other fun Canadian cities.  After a few years, I'd like to apply for citizenship and be free of America while I try to make a comfortable living for myself.  I refuse to be forced to eat Ramen for the rest of my life (as good as it tastes occasionally-when you're not having to LIVE off the stuff), and I refuse to be swallowed up by student loan debt for the rest of my career-track life.  I want to be a healthy, happy person.  I don't deserve the short stick.  Not this time.

Love you all.  Hope life is treating you the way you deserve to be treated!

Have any of you ever visited Toronto, moved to Canada, or know someone who has?  I'd love to hear your stories!

From my brain to yours,

-Megan

Stream 3: A Proposition

I was talking with Ashley recently about plus size fashion and how frustrating it can be for me to go shop for new clothes.  Pretty much my entire wardrobe comes from Lane Bryant.  This isn't inherently a good or bad thing-but obviously it severely limits my style, choices, and affordable options.

I would enjoy looking through and shopping at a Torrid or Forever 21 (F21) Plus, but those don't really exist in Vermont.  Also, Torrid is in about the same price range as Lane Bryant, which means my family (mom and gram, specifically) buy pretty much all my clothes for me.  We're always in the store together so I can still get the clothes I pick out, but I can't wait to be financially independent and able to afford to buy my own clothes.

Smaller women have so many more options on where to shop.  This allows them the freedom to create their own sense of style, dress how they want to be perceived on any particular day, and have the flexibility in price ranges.  Not so with plus size women.  Bodies come in many different shapes and sizes.  Why should those of us who are bigger be left out of the fashion world because smaller women are more readily accepted as be beauty standard in society?

As it stands, unless you want to dress in bulky unflattering sweats purchased from your local drug store or wear skin tight clothing 2-3 sizes too small, you better have the money to afford the $50-$100 price range for a typical, average piece of clothing.  See?  Things can get pretty desperate.

So--I propose a revolution.  Plus size women and designers, gear up and take Fashion Week by storm next year.  Let's team up with some other INCREDIBLE designers and find or INVENT new cuts that make us look smokin'.  A-line, empire or high-waisted dresses do not always fit plus size women the way that they are intended to flatter smaller bodies and frames.  Let's get creative, think outside the box, and make something incredible for the plus size ladies.

Let's not be defined by our limitations.  Let's dress the way we want, the way that brings out our inner beauty, our inner strength.  Let's make plus size clothing and fashion affordable.  And lastly, let's remember that every body is beautiful.  Every woman deserves the chance to showcase all the beauty that her body holds.

From my brain to yours,

Megan

Stream 1

Because I suck at finding inspiration to sit and write about, I decided to get started with a stream of consciousness piece.  Here it is:

I believe everything happens for a reason.  Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  One door closes, another opens.  Insert a multitude of other such cliches here.

Often it is hard to see past the negative aspects to this crazy, dramatic thing called life.  One word has hardly ever held so much room for interpretation or emotional turmoil.  Some see life as a blessing or gift, others as a curse.  How is one's lot in life determined?  Why do bad things happen to good people?  Is Karma broken?  Is Karma real?  The human race has often wondered about its place in "the grand scheme of things", as they say.  Are we alone in the universe?  Does a god preside over all of creation?  And what does that say about those who choose to believe in such a power that may or may not exist?  What does that say about atheists?

Are humans meant to be strictly logical creatures, living as empirical scientists?  Are we meant to be intuitive, emotional creatures--living passionately and without law or governance?

Many say that in order to survive you must be able to adapt.  Why is it then, that little pebbles survive longer on this terrestrial planet than living people, who are always searching for self-improvement?  The adaptability theory seems flawed.

These are big questions about life and the human experience.  I don't know the answers.  Maybe I'm not supposed to.  Maybe I can't; human comprehension only goes so far.  We don't even know how to use the entire capacity of the brain's ability to function and process information.

All I really know is who I am and how I experience the world around me.  I live both passionately and rationally, I believe in Karma and I believe that there may be some power, god(s) or goddess(es) in the universe overseeing the grand scheme of things--making sure that the balance of the universe is always in check.

I do not, however, believe that this is an excuse to lay back and let the pieces fall where they may.  All humans have power in that they can make decisions.  If you want your life to be different, then have the courage to make the necessary changes.  Be an active participant in your life.  If you want something, go after it!

Sometimes even after putting in all that hard work things will not go the way you envisioned.  You know what?  That's okay.  It wasn't time for you to go down that path yet.  You have more to learn and more experiences to obtain before taking that path.  Have faith in your life.  Believe that you are exactly where you are meant to be at exactly the right time (even if "exactly the right time" means you are currently 10 minutes late for work).  Things happen for a reason.

Live your life the way you want.  Do the things you want to be remembered for.  Be fearless, and love and respect yourself.  Never stop learning, never stop growing.  Adapt if you need to, remain stagnant if you want to.  The possibilities are endless.

From my brain to yours,
Megan

A Moment of Silence

This week a lot of things have happened for the L(esbian)G(ay)B(isexual)T(ransgendered)Q(ueer/Questioning) community, both here in Burlington, VT and elsewhere in the country.  This blog post is dedicated to the 7 recent suicides committed by youth around the country due to bullying, harassment, and general nonacceptance by those around them.  One story in particular stands out-the story of Tyler Clementi.  To see the article I'm taking my info from, click here. 

Tyler Clementi was an accomplished musician already at age 18.  He was quiet, kept to himself, and was gay.  His roommate covertly streamed him via webcam one night having sexual relations with a male partner, and then put it online for others to see.  Three days later, Tyler jumped off the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River-to his death. 

The fact that LGBTQ youth are being harassed and abused to the point of wanting to end their lives entirely is very sad.  I mean, what does this say about our society?  Those in the LGBTQ community have worked so hard for so long-and right now it only seems to be getting worse.  The places where LGBTQ individuals are accepted and welcomed with open arms I feel are too few and far in between.  People in American society need to grow up and stop discriminating against others because they aren't just like you.  Has nobody seen Pocahontas?

"John Smith: We've improved the lives of savages all over the world.
Pocahontas: *Savages*?
John Smith: Uh, not that *you're* a savage.
Pocahontas: Just my people!
John Smith: No. Listen. That's not what I meant. Let me explain, uh...
Pocahontas: Let go!
John Smith: No, I'm not letting you leave.
Pocahontas: [jumps up into a tree]
John Smith: Look, don't do this. Savage is just a word, uh, you know. A term for people who are uncivilized.
Pocahontas: Like me.
John Smith: Well, when I say uncivilized, what I mean is, is...
Pocahontas: What you mean is, "not like you." " (IMDB)
 
The first time I read about Tyler Clementi's story in the New York Times, I very nearly cried.  My heart feels so much pain for stories such as this-which is probably why I'm going into the career I've chosen for myself. 
 
Fortunately, there are some conversations going on around the country helping to educate people about what it means to be an LGBT or Q person.  Today, I attended a 9 hour Translating Identity Conference (lovingly called TIC [pronounced "tick"],) at UVM.  There were different workshops run during each of the hour long time slots that you could choose to attend.  (I was there for a class requirement, but also to help increase my own area of knowledge as well.)  If more conversations like this one were opened up more often and in many more different locations, I really believe that many would stop being so hateful towards those who don't fit or conform to societal norms.  Small steps are a good place to start, but much more needs to be done to prevent LGBTQ youth suicide.  These are just kids-regardless of how they decide to present, or whom they find themselves in love with. 
 
Please, please, if you or someone you know is considering suicide because the bullying pressure has become too much, check out the TrevorProject, or some other LGBTQ youth suicide prevention hotline service. 
 
For the rest of you who are wondering what you as an everyday kind of person can do to help out-please just be aware of what you say and what you do and how it can affect others around you.  Be aware of your own judgements of others and what your preconceived notions of gender and sexual preference are.  Know that both have a wide spectrum and array of situations.  There are many biological men and women (also known as bio-men or bio-women,) who may think of themselves as the opposite gender, but may chose to present themselves as their assigned gender (AKA-what gender they were born with and "assigned" at birth.)  Be aware of what pronouns individuals chose to use regarding themselves, and how they identify.  It is always better to ask if you aren't sure than to assume and offend.
 
Also-if you know of any LGBTQ conversations happening in your area-please attend!  Most welcome people from all stages of understanding.  If you don't know much about the LGBTQ community and you're scared to go-please, don't be.  Jump in and learn!  The more you know about the issues at hand, the better able you are to help find solutions.  <3
 
This post is deep-and I promise I'll post something light and fluffy soon.  But in the meantime, please take a moment of silence and light a candle for those who couldn't take any more of the abuse and harassment.  Please keep them in your thoughts, and please find out what you can do in your community to help make a difference.  You could save lives.
 
<3 Megan <3

Today I Did Something Awesome

DADT

Don't Ask; Don't Tell.

Apparently America hasn't realized that when a law is passed, it applies to EVERYONE in the country.  Soldiers aren't exempt.  There is a law in this country that states that no individual can be discriminated against on basis of age, sex, gender, sexual orientation, disability, etc.  And yet, if a soldier happens to come out, that individual is dishonorably discharged from the service.  WTF??!!!?  Excuse me?  REALLY?!  Okay, so apparently America needs recruits to go fight for rights in their country that don't even apply to themselves. 

This is really sad.

Ryan and I called our senators (Bernie Sanders and Patrick Leahy) and said that we would like for them to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell on Tuesday.  Lady Gaga (a goddess in all her glory,) is spurring a HUGE Youth Movement advocating for everyone in our generation to call our senators and finally, finally stand up for what we believe in.  Follow the link here to check it out.  This is SO important especially with the youth in this country.  We technically should have the largest say in making our voices heard in regards to this policy.  This is the rest of the majority of our lives, as well as the lives of our children that we are dealing with.  If Don't Ask Don't Tell isn't repealed, we have to live with this for the rest of our lives until someone is able to raise a large enough movement to take the government by storm. 

I feel as though the current 20-something-year-old generation is extraordinarily accepting and is also very motivated towards making the changes that we feel need to be made within our country.  We have a huge passion for those who are being discriminated against.  We've all been there at some point in our lives.  We've been socialized by parents, guardians, friends, schools, government, media, etc in terms of what to think, how to think, and what is the "right" thing to do.  Our generation is sick of being told what to think and feel.  We know what feels right in our hearts, and damnit we're doing something about it!

Lady Gaga said something that really stuck with me.  Granted, I will not be able to put it as eloquently as she did, but here's the basics of it.  This isn't about whether or not you personally believe in homosexuality or approve of it in any way, this is about senators doing their job in terms of holding up the Constitution.  Don't Ask Don't Tell is extremely unconstitutional.  It blows my mind that individuals have the right to not be discriminated against within the country, and yet our soldiers, the very people who are risking their lives for this right don't have it extended to them.  I don't understand how this makes any sense in the eyes of other people.

Bottom line: if you believe in something and you know in your heart that something is not right or feels weird to you, say something about it.  Call your senator and dish!  Seriously-people love to chat it up.  Start some controversy!  Remember how teachers always used to say "there are no stupid questions.  Chances are, if you have a question, the majority of the class probably has the same question.  Don't be afraid to ask it-everyone will appreciate that someone took the risk?"  Same policy here.  There may be many who believe in the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, but aren't going to actively show their support in order to sway the vote of their senators.  Please, I'm asking you as a fellow American, as 20 year old college student, as daughter, a classmate, a female, a friend--do what you think is right.  If you believe Don't Ask Don't Tell is unconstitutional and it doesn't feel right to you, figure out a way to get in contact with your senators.

If you live in Vermont:
Bernie Sanders' number is: (202) 224-5141
Patrick Leahy's number is: (202) 224-4242

Call them-and let them know what you feel.

This is America; We have the right to be heard.

<3 Megan <3

P.S. Tomorrow is weigh in day.  :S