I'm Poor.

Ah, Ramen.  We've all fallen into your grasp at one point or another.

My apologies for lack of a more creative title for this post.  I'm very stressed lately because of how broke I seem to continue to be.  And there's no light at the end of the tunnel for at least another 2 years-once I can complete my Master's in Social Work degree and FINALLY MAYBE start my real life as a fully grown, financially independent adult.

I still have about $300 more worth of textbooks to purchase, an estimated $300 parking pass to purchase and that's not including my $70/month phone bill and $40/month credit card bill, or gas for the car, oil changes, etc.  You know, basic life stuff.  And the thing is, I really don't actually have that many bills.  Just phone and credit card-and my credit card payment is really cheap (because I have a Discover Student Credit Card which gives me a credit limit of only $500-thank God).  My problem is that I don't have enough money to feel comfortable making my monthly bills.  There literally aren't enough hours in the day for me to work enough hours to make enough money to feel really truly secure.  

I just want to live comfortably.  I'm not looking to become a millionaire and hoard my millions of dollars away from society forever.  I want to spend a little to have fun every month, get by on bills, and still have enough extra to put away in a savings account just in case of a huge life emergency.  I REALLY don't think I'm asking for a whole hell of a lot.  Unfortunately I need to take out $80,000 in loans to get my Master's degree which will help me get an adequate paying job in order to support myself for the rest of my life.  

What's even more stressful is that my family isn't able to help out at all with grad school.  They've already done so much to help me get through undergrad that they're pretty much tapped out.  I feel bad that I'm part of the reason they're so strapped right now, but I also really can't help it that society has deemed it necessary to not only have your high school diploma, but a college degree (Master's preferred in most cases) in order to get a job that will sustain you.  

I'm really starting to resent the Capitalist system.  The 'survival of the fittest' or 'each (wo)man for his/her self is ridiculous.  We're all human, we're all in this together.  Everyone needs to make a living, everyone needs to survive.  Collectivist societies have the right idea, I think.  I'm just so sick of America and how the poor and downtrodden continue to be trodden upon regardless of how hard they work, while rich floozies can sit on their laurels and become famous for being dramatic idiotic a$$holes.  In WHAT society does that make sense to anyone?

I'm seriously considering moving to Canada once I have my Master's.  I want to check out Toronto, and some of the other fun Canadian cities.  After a few years, I'd like to apply for citizenship and be free of America while I try to make a comfortable living for myself.  I refuse to be forced to eat Ramen for the rest of my life (as good as it tastes occasionally-when you're not having to LIVE off the stuff), and I refuse to be swallowed up by student loan debt for the rest of my career-track life.  I want to be a healthy, happy person.  I don't deserve the short stick.  Not this time.

Love you all.  Hope life is treating you the way you deserve to be treated!

Have any of you ever visited Toronto, moved to Canada, or know someone who has?  I'd love to hear your stories!

From my brain to yours,

-Megan

Stream 1

Because I suck at finding inspiration to sit and write about, I decided to get started with a stream of consciousness piece.  Here it is:

I believe everything happens for a reason.  Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  One door closes, another opens.  Insert a multitude of other such cliches here.

Often it is hard to see past the negative aspects to this crazy, dramatic thing called life.  One word has hardly ever held so much room for interpretation or emotional turmoil.  Some see life as a blessing or gift, others as a curse.  How is one's lot in life determined?  Why do bad things happen to good people?  Is Karma broken?  Is Karma real?  The human race has often wondered about its place in "the grand scheme of things", as they say.  Are we alone in the universe?  Does a god preside over all of creation?  And what does that say about those who choose to believe in such a power that may or may not exist?  What does that say about atheists?

Are humans meant to be strictly logical creatures, living as empirical scientists?  Are we meant to be intuitive, emotional creatures--living passionately and without law or governance?

Many say that in order to survive you must be able to adapt.  Why is it then, that little pebbles survive longer on this terrestrial planet than living people, who are always searching for self-improvement?  The adaptability theory seems flawed.

These are big questions about life and the human experience.  I don't know the answers.  Maybe I'm not supposed to.  Maybe I can't; human comprehension only goes so far.  We don't even know how to use the entire capacity of the brain's ability to function and process information.

All I really know is who I am and how I experience the world around me.  I live both passionately and rationally, I believe in Karma and I believe that there may be some power, god(s) or goddess(es) in the universe overseeing the grand scheme of things--making sure that the balance of the universe is always in check.

I do not, however, believe that this is an excuse to lay back and let the pieces fall where they may.  All humans have power in that they can make decisions.  If you want your life to be different, then have the courage to make the necessary changes.  Be an active participant in your life.  If you want something, go after it!

Sometimes even after putting in all that hard work things will not go the way you envisioned.  You know what?  That's okay.  It wasn't time for you to go down that path yet.  You have more to learn and more experiences to obtain before taking that path.  Have faith in your life.  Believe that you are exactly where you are meant to be at exactly the right time (even if "exactly the right time" means you are currently 10 minutes late for work).  Things happen for a reason.

Live your life the way you want.  Do the things you want to be remembered for.  Be fearless, and love and respect yourself.  Never stop learning, never stop growing.  Adapt if you need to, remain stagnant if you want to.  The possibilities are endless.

From my brain to yours,
Megan

A Moment of Silence

This week a lot of things have happened for the L(esbian)G(ay)B(isexual)T(ransgendered)Q(ueer/Questioning) community, both here in Burlington, VT and elsewhere in the country.  This blog post is dedicated to the 7 recent suicides committed by youth around the country due to bullying, harassment, and general nonacceptance by those around them.  One story in particular stands out-the story of Tyler Clementi.  To see the article I'm taking my info from, click here. 

Tyler Clementi was an accomplished musician already at age 18.  He was quiet, kept to himself, and was gay.  His roommate covertly streamed him via webcam one night having sexual relations with a male partner, and then put it online for others to see.  Three days later, Tyler jumped off the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River-to his death. 

The fact that LGBTQ youth are being harassed and abused to the point of wanting to end their lives entirely is very sad.  I mean, what does this say about our society?  Those in the LGBTQ community have worked so hard for so long-and right now it only seems to be getting worse.  The places where LGBTQ individuals are accepted and welcomed with open arms I feel are too few and far in between.  People in American society need to grow up and stop discriminating against others because they aren't just like you.  Has nobody seen Pocahontas?

"John Smith: We've improved the lives of savages all over the world.
Pocahontas: *Savages*?
John Smith: Uh, not that *you're* a savage.
Pocahontas: Just my people!
John Smith: No. Listen. That's not what I meant. Let me explain, uh...
Pocahontas: Let go!
John Smith: No, I'm not letting you leave.
Pocahontas: [jumps up into a tree]
John Smith: Look, don't do this. Savage is just a word, uh, you know. A term for people who are uncivilized.
Pocahontas: Like me.
John Smith: Well, when I say uncivilized, what I mean is, is...
Pocahontas: What you mean is, "not like you." " (IMDB)
 
The first time I read about Tyler Clementi's story in the New York Times, I very nearly cried.  My heart feels so much pain for stories such as this-which is probably why I'm going into the career I've chosen for myself. 
 
Fortunately, there are some conversations going on around the country helping to educate people about what it means to be an LGBT or Q person.  Today, I attended a 9 hour Translating Identity Conference (lovingly called TIC [pronounced "tick"],) at UVM.  There were different workshops run during each of the hour long time slots that you could choose to attend.  (I was there for a class requirement, but also to help increase my own area of knowledge as well.)  If more conversations like this one were opened up more often and in many more different locations, I really believe that many would stop being so hateful towards those who don't fit or conform to societal norms.  Small steps are a good place to start, but much more needs to be done to prevent LGBTQ youth suicide.  These are just kids-regardless of how they decide to present, or whom they find themselves in love with. 
 
Please, please, if you or someone you know is considering suicide because the bullying pressure has become too much, check out the TrevorProject, or some other LGBTQ youth suicide prevention hotline service. 
 
For the rest of you who are wondering what you as an everyday kind of person can do to help out-please just be aware of what you say and what you do and how it can affect others around you.  Be aware of your own judgements of others and what your preconceived notions of gender and sexual preference are.  Know that both have a wide spectrum and array of situations.  There are many biological men and women (also known as bio-men or bio-women,) who may think of themselves as the opposite gender, but may chose to present themselves as their assigned gender (AKA-what gender they were born with and "assigned" at birth.)  Be aware of what pronouns individuals chose to use regarding themselves, and how they identify.  It is always better to ask if you aren't sure than to assume and offend.
 
Also-if you know of any LGBTQ conversations happening in your area-please attend!  Most welcome people from all stages of understanding.  If you don't know much about the LGBTQ community and you're scared to go-please, don't be.  Jump in and learn!  The more you know about the issues at hand, the better able you are to help find solutions.  <3
 
This post is deep-and I promise I'll post something light and fluffy soon.  But in the meantime, please take a moment of silence and light a candle for those who couldn't take any more of the abuse and harassment.  Please keep them in your thoughts, and please find out what you can do in your community to help make a difference.  You could save lives.
 
<3 Megan <3

There is a Light at the End of the Tunnel

Sooooo much has happened since Thanksgiving break.

To sum it up in a word: STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.  I'm freaking out over this non-existant internship that I must have confirmed by Friday, and I also had some more personal issues going on as well.

THANKFULLY the personal issues have now been solved and everyone I think is good standing once again.  The internship issue however is...well...a work in progress.

I've applied to King St. Youth Center.  I would love to get in there.  Also, I have applied to the HowardCenter.  Hopefully someone gets back to me today!  Then: all a sudden...IT HAPPENED!  I remembered an e-mail one of my professors had sent me over break.  There's a Social Norms campaign starting up that is going to be in full swing by next fall.  And there's a possibility to turn it into an internship!!!!! AHHH!!! That means I wouldn't have to leave campus!!! And slip and fall and break something!  (Which I'm probably more prone to doing than most people realize.)  Hahaha.

Keep you fingers crossed for me.  Life is starting to get good again.

:)

Much Love
Megan