I'm a Big Girl Now! (Almost)

Hello, again Blogger.



Been a while since I last posted for you!  So, here's whats going on in my life right now:

• doing the whole job search thing
• still unpacking from college & from getting back from Ashley's where I spent the summer
• have successfully managed to visit a majority of my friends up in VT since I've been home
• trying to decide where I'm going to live; and if/when I can afford to move in on my own
• managing how weird it feels to not be moving back into college today

Originally the plan was for Rosie and I to get an apartment in Barre, but that's not a healthy decision for me for lots of reasons which I don't really wish to divulge to strangers on the internet.  Let's just say I have a past   with Barre and I don't want to put myself in a position where I will feel unsafe or ambushed.

SO-I am contemplating where I really want to be so I can start job searching in that area and figure out life piece by piece.  To start I'll be living at home and commuting to work wherever I decide is the area I want to reside, so I'm trying to be smart and realistic about what I can afford, how much commuting my car can take until I make the big move, and where the best place for me is in Vermont.  

In the meantime I'm daydreaming about what it'll be like to finally be on my own, to be a real adult working the typical American 40 hr week, and how incredible it'll feel to finally be financially independent from my family.  I can't wait to be able to pay all my own bills every month while chipping away at my student loans that will be coming due in a few more months!  However, step 1 is finding that first career-level job to put my degree to work.

Self-sufficiency at it's finest!!!

I'll need lots of luck so feel free to leave your well-wishes below.  Much appreciated!

If anyone has any suggestions or tips on searching for and obtaining a first apartment or what the first year out of college looks like-feel free to leave those below as well.

From my brain to yours,

xoxo Megan

It's Hot; I'm Melting. Here's My Thoughts on Religion?

I'm pretty positive I can swim through the air today on Cape Cod.  It has been muggy and hot and humid for the past two days, and tomorrow is supposed to be the same.  

I consumed an entire pint of my favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor: Chocolate Fudge Brownie tonight just to cool off, and it worked....for about an hour.

 

There are so many things going through my mind right now between boyfriend stuff, job stuff, and living arrangement stuff for the upcoming months.  There are going to be big changes, ones that I hope I am ready for, and some that I know I'm ready for.

Which is why I continue to be up so late on my days off, thinking about things and hoping for the best for myself.  There are so many unknown variables in my life.  Any decision I make at this point in my life is going to put me on an entirely different life path than I would have been on if I had made the opposite decision.  That's a lot of pressure, much like the episode "Turn Left" in Doctor Who, Season 4, Episode 11.  You can watch it on Netflix or probably look it up on Youtube in parts.

So many things are about to change and I'm about to embark on a completely different life journey.  I want to serve whatever purpose I have in this world and help, touch, and connect with the people I am destined to encounter.  I want to live a comfortable lifestyle, and make sure I do whatever I can to become fully financially independent from my family all the while creating a comfortable living atmosphere and environment for myself and whomever I choose to share my life with.  I hope to be the best person I can be, and to really immerse myself in the experience of living, and working hard for that living.  I want to know that I am earning every dollar I make, and that I am dedicating myself to being the best version of myself I can possibly be.

Life/Karma has a way of returning to you whatever you deserve.  I want to put as many positive vibes in the universe not just so that I can get something good back out of it at the end of the day, but just so that I know I am sending as much positive energy into this universe as possible.  Period.  I don't want to be the person that is good and does good because s/he knows that s/he will be getting a reward for doing so, but because I feel it is the right thing to do.  

I'm not sure why I'm having this huge deep, defining moment of my life at 12:30 am when I feel like I'm sweating out every single toxin in my body, or why it feels so New Age-y, but I suppose in moments of stress/distress is when a lot of "Aha!" moments happen.  Perhaps I work best under pressure?

I suppose I've always been a New Age spiritualist.  I was baptized Catholic as a child, but once my Mom and I moved on, we stopped going to church.  I do believe there is some higher power out there, but I don't necessarily think it is one all-encompassing god (or goddess for that matter).  I think of this higher power like a huge diamond in the sky, with many different facets.  These facets reflect down on the world  creating different perspectives; gods, and goddesses in all different regions across the globe.  However, each of these higher powers stem from the same source.  When I decide to do my form of "praying", I pray generally to all gods and goddesses, (1) because I'm sure in many cases I need all the help I can get, and (2) because I don't want to offend any gods/goddesses that do exist in case they do come in different entities.  

When I do pray, I try to keep myself in perspective and not wish for a certain outcome in a situation.  I ask only that I am guided to whatever path I am supposed to be on, and that things will work out for me in the grand scheme of things "for the greater good".  I know that sometimes life hurls challenges at you right and left, but they're to help you learn, grow, and become stronger for the next set of obstacles you have to face.  I feel like everything is all a part of a grand design.  Again, as I mentioned in a previous post, this doesn't give you the free reign to let the cards fall where they may.  You still have the ability to make choices, and to decide if you will step up to the plate and face the challenges that are coming at you.  You have the ability to live a better life and to make better choices for yourself.  

Finally, my environmentalist side comes out.  I feel that all Earthly creatures come from the Earth, and are returned to the Earth (in both a physical and spiritual way).  When I die, I hope I am not buried in a casket.  I would like to be returned to the world in the most natural way possible.  I want to decompose directly in the ground without being protected by a wooden casket, be cremated, or (as terrible as this sounds), be returned to the ocean to be eaten by fish and sea creatures.  Seriously, what is the point of being protected in a casket?  You're dead.  Just let nature take you back.  I know this sounds like a grotesque, horror movie scene, but really, I don't want to use more of the Earth's materials to give me a "proper burial".  I just want to be left in piece(s) [see what I did there?] to be consumed again by nature, and folded back into the planet like a nice pizza dough.

I'm not sure whether I believe in reincarnation per se.  But I believe that we have a symbiotic relationship with the Earth we come from.  Just because we are human doesn't mean we have the right to overpopulate and destroy the miracles of life, peace, and solace on this planet.  We are no greater than the common squirrels, shrimp, or dung beetle that also exist on this planet.  In the grand scheme of things, we are all just a life form trying to survive.  So why do us humans continue to do nearly everything we can to ruin or spoil life-when so little of it already exists?  Greed.  Lust for power.  The power to feel "human" emotions.  The same components that "set us apart" from other life forms-a brain to think with and process complicated situations.  A brain with emotions when once corrupted, ruins life for all others nearby.

Sorry that this just turned into a very political rant.  But it's how I feel.  We come from this planet.  Ingesting all of these synthetic materials and man-made toxins are not doing us any favors.  Notice how you feel better after eating a wholesome turkey sandwich with cheddar cheese on whole grain bread and veggies over a McDonald's value meal?  (Don't get me wrong-I do love the taste of McDonald's food).  But the food is probably mostly synthetic.  It's bad for you, brings more toxins and salts/fats into your body that most people typically don't need, and leaves you hungry for more later on.  Whatever chemicals are used in the food create sort of an addiction.  Once you go to "splurge" once, it's hard to resist the temptation to do it again.  

Also, apparently the nuggets from McDonald's melt into liquid?  "One former McDonald’s employee warned against the chicken nuggets recalling: ‘I accidentally left a whole bag of about 100 chicken nuggets out on a counter for way too long. They melted. Into a pool of liquid. I never understood why. But they were completely indiscernible as being the nuggets I once knew."  Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2173221/Chicken-nuggets-dirty-ice-dont-dare-touch-ketchup-bottle-The-dangers-fast-food-choices-people-work-joints.html#ixzz20qwB8iiP

Anyway-back to my point.  The reason you feel better after eating the turkey sandwich is because it's made of wholesome products coming directly from nature.  All of the nutrients are still in the food, and it doesn't leave you CRAVING more hours later.  You also feel better about yourself for making a healthy choice over the easy way out.  Plus, your body runs better once it has all of these nutrients coming more directly from nature.  

All of these things are suddenly coming back to the forefront as I'm thinking about my life and how I want to lead it.  So what, I'm most comfortable being a New Age spiritualist?  So what I actually own my own Tarot Deck (not that I use it often, but I hope to remedy that once I have my own place that isn't in a college dormitory)?  So what I perceive my "god" to be a little different than yours?  This doesn't make me a bad person.  This doesn't mean I'm messing with the dark forces of the universe and am opening doors that I don't know how to close.  This means I'm living life as best I can, and doing what I can to make my home on Earth as good a place as possible, while accepting a little help and guidance from my friends in the big diamond in the sky every so often.  

As soon as I am home with access to my candles again, I shall light one and reflect on every other person in the world who is at the same life transition place as myself.  We have lots of big choices to make, and not a lot of time to make these choices.  This is the biggest life transition of them all-leaving the house for good, spreading our wings, and learning how to fly.  We could all use a little luck and guidance right now.

From my brain to yours,

Megan

My Big Decision

Today is the day.

Friday the 13th, 2012.

I have officially written to The University of New Hampshire in Durham, NH to see if they can defer my acceptance for a year.  Which means....

I have decided to find an awesome full time job with benefits for at least a year, and to get an apartment in Barre, VT with Rosie!!!

I'm so excited!  I can't wait to find my financial foothold as a real adult and to finally be able to feel financially independent from my family!  I'll be able to afford my own things, my mom won't be stuck with my bills as well as hers anymore, and it'll just be much better for everyone, all around.  =)

I have been applying for jobs like a crazy person.  Hopefully one of them (a few, preferably) will want me and be willing to take me on.  I'd love to find at least one, but it'd be nice to have a choice, as well.  "The starting median salary for a social worker [is] $33,400" (http://www.socialworkersspeak.org/media/nasw-responds-to-article-on-worst-paying-college-degrees.html).  That's a $676 paycheck every week (before taxes), which is $17.41/hr if you work a 40 hr week.  I mean, according to the article it's 'supposedly' one of the worst paying college degrees, but $17/hr is more than I've ever been paid in my lifetime.  Clearly, I will be very excited about this kind of paycheck.

I'm also SUPER EXCITED to start my first ever apartment hunt!  Luckily Rosie is also looking for a new place to live right now, so we're trying to find a nice 2 bedroom and split all the costs for rent/utilities/etc.

Probably what we'll have to use for furniture at least to get started...

I can't wait to start my real adult life and to live in an apartment which for the first time, I'll finally be able to afford!  AHH! 

Please wish me luck in all my endeavors.  I have a lot to learn and get used to as I get ready to embark on my new life path, so I'll need all the well-wishing I can get!

My goal is to get moved into a nice cozy apartment (with heat included in the rent price) before the snow flies in Vermont.  If you have any advice please leave it below!

I'm Poor.

Ah, Ramen.  We've all fallen into your grasp at one point or another.

My apologies for lack of a more creative title for this post.  I'm very stressed lately because of how broke I seem to continue to be.  And there's no light at the end of the tunnel for at least another 2 years-once I can complete my Master's in Social Work degree and FINALLY MAYBE start my real life as a fully grown, financially independent adult.

I still have about $300 more worth of textbooks to purchase, an estimated $300 parking pass to purchase and that's not including my $70/month phone bill and $40/month credit card bill, or gas for the car, oil changes, etc.  You know, basic life stuff.  And the thing is, I really don't actually have that many bills.  Just phone and credit card-and my credit card payment is really cheap (because I have a Discover Student Credit Card which gives me a credit limit of only $500-thank God).  My problem is that I don't have enough money to feel comfortable making my monthly bills.  There literally aren't enough hours in the day for me to work enough hours to make enough money to feel really truly secure.  

I just want to live comfortably.  I'm not looking to become a millionaire and hoard my millions of dollars away from society forever.  I want to spend a little to have fun every month, get by on bills, and still have enough extra to put away in a savings account just in case of a huge life emergency.  I REALLY don't think I'm asking for a whole hell of a lot.  Unfortunately I need to take out $80,000 in loans to get my Master's degree which will help me get an adequate paying job in order to support myself for the rest of my life.  

What's even more stressful is that my family isn't able to help out at all with grad school.  They've already done so much to help me get through undergrad that they're pretty much tapped out.  I feel bad that I'm part of the reason they're so strapped right now, but I also really can't help it that society has deemed it necessary to not only have your high school diploma, but a college degree (Master's preferred in most cases) in order to get a job that will sustain you.  

I'm really starting to resent the Capitalist system.  The 'survival of the fittest' or 'each (wo)man for his/her self is ridiculous.  We're all human, we're all in this together.  Everyone needs to make a living, everyone needs to survive.  Collectivist societies have the right idea, I think.  I'm just so sick of America and how the poor and downtrodden continue to be trodden upon regardless of how hard they work, while rich floozies can sit on their laurels and become famous for being dramatic idiotic a$$holes.  In WHAT society does that make sense to anyone?

I'm seriously considering moving to Canada once I have my Master's.  I want to check out Toronto, and some of the other fun Canadian cities.  After a few years, I'd like to apply for citizenship and be free of America while I try to make a comfortable living for myself.  I refuse to be forced to eat Ramen for the rest of my life (as good as it tastes occasionally-when you're not having to LIVE off the stuff), and I refuse to be swallowed up by student loan debt for the rest of my career-track life.  I want to be a healthy, happy person.  I don't deserve the short stick.  Not this time.

Love you all.  Hope life is treating you the way you deserve to be treated!

Have any of you ever visited Toronto, moved to Canada, or know someone who has?  I'd love to hear your stories!

From my brain to yours,

-Megan

Stream 2: My Little Ottoman

As I sit and think about heading off to grad school this fall, I inevitably find myself thinking about what my everyday life will be like.

What is my room going to look like?  How am I going to decorate?  What will I store in my perfect little ottoman now that I no longer have to hide my alcohol from campus security?  (The dorm I will be living in is a 21+ dorm, so it is okay to drink privately in your room with the door closed).

An ottoman is such a perfect furniture piece.  It functions as a stool, a seat, a footrest, and as storage (if you have a hollow one with a removable top).  I will be living in a single in Babcock at UNH in the fall, which means I won't have a lot of space.  I'll need to maximize storage whenever possible.  Lofting the bed to move other furniture pieces underneath is only the beginning of creative storage.  Knowing how to maximize your vertical space is key.

For example, purchasing vertical hanging boxes for your closet space can help you get your shoes off the floor, store those extra bulky winter sweaters, or keep some extra office supplies in an organized, out-of-the-way place.

Additionally, a standing plastic tower that fits under the bed is perfect for organizing and storing medicines, undergarments, or extra make up and jewelry so these items don't clutter the larger drawers in the dresser that is assigned to you by the college or university.

As wonderful and clever as these other pieces are, nothing beats my little ottoman.  It can be a great hiding place as it simply looks like decor or functional extra college kid seating.  While I'm not sure what I want to store in it next year as of yet, here are a few ideas of mine:

• Snacks
• Extra notebooks/stationary/office supplies (frees up clutter on the desk)!
• Handbags I'm not currently using
• Shoes
• Extra sheets/pillow cases/out-of-season scarves
• Decorations for each season/holiday to keep my room festive
• Scented goods for the room/air fresheners

How do you creatively store things when living in such close quarters?  Where are your best hiding places?

From my brain to yours,

Megan

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Today is Christmas!!!!

I hope those of you who celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Solstice, etc. that you have had a fabulous holiday season!

My Christmas was actually quite nice this year.  I spent Christmas Eve with Ryan and his family.  We knitted, watched movies, had a HUGE meal comprising salmon, steak, and assorted veggies, and went to church to carol and remember what Christmas is really about.  Now, I'm not a devoted Christian.  I was baptized Catholic as a child, however once my mother and I moved to Lyndonville we stopped attending church and that part of my life sort of closed.  I'm a cautious Christian now I suppose.  I am picky and choosy about what parts of Christianity I believe in, so I don't feel comfortable calling myself a true Christian.  I believe that there is some higher power, and that perhaps there is a sort of destiny for everyone.  However, I don't consider this as an excuse to lay back and do nothing with my life.  I am still the highly motivated individual I have always been, and always hope to be.

Anyways, moving along.  This year my family and I decided to open presents Christmas Eve as we had extended family coming on Christmas day, and it would have probably been a little awkward for them to watch our family hold our Christmas.  I believe in a small family Christmas-immediate family and a few close friends whom everyone knows intimately.  I feel awkward crashing someone else's Christmas when they are opening presents, and I don't like being put on display for others outside my immediate family and inner circle of friends and having to show and tell each of the gifts I receive.  It just feels weird to me.  So, we had our own intimate family Christmas and then hosted a few family members today, Christmas Day.  It worked out quite nicely!

Here is a list of some of the awesome gifts I received this year from my family (this isn't to brag-I'm just excited about what I've been lucky enough to receive!):

• My own personal Susan (a name Ryan and I have given the voice of the GPS put out by the "For Dummies" company)
• A car radio with a CD player, conversion kit, and CD holder for the car!  Space (my car) came without a CD player-just the radio.  This way I can make my own mixes again and listen to my own music whenever I want!  I just need the money to get to a garage to have a mechanic install everything for me.  :D
• A Tazo Tea kit with 2 tea mugs, Zen tea, and Calm tea (all of which I love).
• Clothing from Lane Bryant!  
• FUZZY SOCKS!  (My fave).
• Earrings from Lane Bryant.
• A necklace and earring set from JCPenny's (I believe).
• Candy dots.
• Hershey's kisses (already eaten).
• A few purses (that I think I am still trying to decide whether I like).
• Twin XL Sheet Set
• A flower-shaped cutting board, lady bug hot plate, and a strainer serving spoon (which is awesome!)
• Bath and Body Works Enchanted Life body spray, body lotion, and body wash.
• Bath and Body Works Japanese Cherry Blossom Body Butter (I have used this every day since my sophomore year of high school and I looooove it!)
• 2 little Peppermint and Cotton Candy hand sanitizers from Bath and Body Works.
• Gift cards to the Mobil station and Price Chopper (Yay for gas to get back to Burlington and money to buy enough food to hopefully feed me until my refund check comes in!)
• Dermalogica Wash off, Bedtime for Breakouts, and Ready, Set, Scrub! products (which I also love.  I have tried them for the first time this past semester and they seem to work really well with my skin!  Hooray for gentle ingredients that don't actually do more damage to your skin than good!)

And from Ryan:

• A new pot to cook with since the Teflon was coming off from an old pot I had which necessitated my throwing it away.
• An amazing book he created full of memories between the two of us.  :)  <3

And from Ashley:

• A pair of earrings from Forever 21.
• A small clutch purse (which I love).  
• Yarn to aid me in my knitting endeavors!

Thank you to those of you who have exchanged gifts with me.  I love you all.  <3  Please go into the New Year safely, warmly, and heartily.  Drink and be merry-but also please be safe about it.

Safe and happy expeditions to you all!

xoxox

<3 Megan 

Home

My bed never felt so good.  :)

Turns out, Kinney's doesn't have any hours to give me over this short break.

So?

I get to take 2 weeks and relax!  No work, no commitments, etc.  It's going to be wonderful.  :)  What will suck though, is no money.  Christmas presents from me are going to be pathetic, so be prepared.  Haha!

I'm going to try to read through as many of the 6 books I've still got saved from this summer that I have yet to read, as well as work on my Netflix queue.  I feel bad that Ryan probably won't be able to catch up with me because I've got so much free time, but hopefully he'll be able to fit in the majority of the things I've watched over break, and maybe even next semester.

This break in my life feels like it was planned.  This is a time for me to figure out everything.  A time for new beginnings.  To take the next few steps toward my big goals in life.  To start fresh.  To do things right.  Metaphor: this is a cocoon from within which I will begin my transformation from silly undergrad-college-student-caterpillar, to full-blown butterfly adult.  Whoa.

Get ready.  Because my life is going to be awesome.

Also, I realize that this post only had about 3 sentences to do with being home.  Bear with me.  :)

XXOO

<3 Megan <3

Nose pickers? Babies? Bike paths?

So, in my last post, I decided that I wanted to do something with my blog.  I haven't exactly come up with my game plan yet, but I've got some ideas that I have brainstormed.

• All the things I need to buy for college...and updates when I get the stuff! (boring, I know.)
• A review of every single Charmed episode.  (plagiarism...kind of.  Ryan does this with LOST.)
• What I believe in spiritually, why, and posts about other things Wicca and pagan-related.
• Book reviews about every book I have in my room.  (ugh...too much reading.)
• Weight Loss/Food blog.  I STILL want to lose weight, and I always say I'm trying..but the scale doesn't seem to be moving....
• People Who Inspire Me (a blog post about every person I can think of who has touched my life in some way.  Trust me...there are a lot.)
• Movie reviews of every movie I have in my room.  (ugh...more work! wtf?!)
• My incessant love of stationary and pens/pencils.  I buy them all the time, and I think I have a good 10 year supply or so... (yeah, boring and slightly crazy.  I get it.)
• Pets-what I want, what I can't have, and why they're usually a good idea.
• Babies, The Back-Up Plan, ways to get pregnant, rants about how expensive insemination is, what I want for babies, when I want babies, etc.  (hahahahahhahahhaha.)
• Something including people-watching.  Sociology has always held a special place in my heart.  I love watching people, their inconsistencies, their weird behaviors, and what people do when they think nobody else is watching. 

See?  I'm at a complete and total loss here.  I'm all over the place.  I'd like to do a blog that includes having to do something like Julie did in Julie and Julia.  I mean, 524 recipes in 365 days?  Brilliant, much!  I kind of like the cooking idea because there's so much to write about.  How much fun you had while making your masterpiece, how it turned out, any glitches you had during the process, etc.  Unfortunately, I don't have the $$$ to buy the ingredients to actually cook anything.  Ramen is about the only thing in my price range right now, and there isn't much to the process of making some ramen.  LMAO! 

But, back to business.  What else is there that has a process that can be written about?  I'm not looking to necessarily create a how-to manual for something (like one that comes with your TV remote.)  But there's got to be some activity that comes with a process that isn't expensive, super time consuming, or especially difficult.  Out of the choices I've listed, the weight loss one looks like the best idea to me so far, but I don't want to let everyone down when I don't meet my goal.  I know most everyone out there in the blogosphere is going to be supportive of me no matter what happens, but I'm not sure if I'm up to the challenge.

Don't get me wrong, I really honestly do want to lose the weight.  But I've always been overweight.  Unfortunately, it's genetic in my family.  Both my mother AND my father were overweight, and so I'm afraid there isn't much hope for me.  I'm not trying to use the genetic factor to weasel out of putting in the hard work and discipline to do what I need to to lose my weight, but unfortunately, I'm already on the losing end if the favors are stacked against me.

Take for example, The Gut.  You see, most girls don't have this.  Apparently, its typically supposed to be a guy thing.  (At least, that's what I was told in science classes at my elementary/middle school.)  Awesome.  I'm a freak.  (I know I'm not...I'm just kidding. Sheesh!)  Anyway, it's always bothered me.  The majority of my weight and health problems come from having it.  It makes me have to wear jean sizes bigger than what I would if I had a normal womanly shape.  My legs are toned and really athletic (probably from having to carry all of my body weight around all the time,) but I can't even show them off properly because shorts look ugly on me because I have to buy all of my pants/skirts/bottoms in larger sizes than I would need if I didn't have it. 

The Gut is not the only culprit.  The other place I have most of my weight is around my mid-section in general.  Sir Stomach is bad guy #2. 

These are the two areas I would love to slim down in, because I love the rest of my body.  I mean, sure, my arms have a bit of flab on them, but I'm hoping with overall weight loss that will start disappearing. 

So, what's stopping me from getting cracking on this whole weight loss thing? 

1. I <3 food.
2. I have sleepovers (I'll explain the problem with this in a minute-it relates to problem number 1.)
3. There's no place for me to go be active outside around my hometown.
4. When I have the time to be free to exercise, I usually prefer to be sleeping.
5. All this "healthy food" of which people speak usually tastes so bland.  I understand that it's good for me, but really?  I love apples and oranges, so those are ok.  But vegetables and I are usually at war.  I'm a big fan of corn and peas, but beyond that, there isn't much hope for me.  I kind of like celery, but it's hard to eat unless you have ranch dressing or peanut butter.  PB is good for you, but only in limited amounts.  It's just a very confusing world.

The more I stream-of-conscience-write about this topic though, the more I think I want to take it on.  According to the stupid BMI chart or whatever that doctors use, for my height and weight...I'm either obese or "extremely obese."  The chart doesn't go high enough in weight to let me see where the danger zones continue.  I'm 5' 6", and at.....(excuse me while I go weigh myself...brb!).....260 lbs, it doesn't make for a pretty picture.  I mean, I don't look like I'm that overweight, but I blame The Gut and Sir Stomach for the sneak attack.  Bastards.

I respect myself and my body, and I know I have to be gentle how I go about this.  I may write like I don't respect myself, but it's more out of pent-up frustration about my situation than anything else.  I may not appreciate my size, but you know, at least I have working parts on me.  Some people are without limbs, need a catheter, or oxygen.  I am still able to get around without a wheelchair, or any machines to help keep me alive.  I appreciate that fact very much.  But before I get to the point where I need any of that for any reason, I want to make myself more healthy.

During my entire weight loss process, I've not been able to get below 245 lbs.  I've tried, but I think I "plateau-ed" in Weight Watchers speak.  I took myself off WW this past semester of college because I realized I wasn't following what I was supposed to be doing anymore, and I had started Champlain Loses It with Velvet and Ashley, and we were doing a good job all on our own!  Why should I keep spending money to help me lose weight when we were able to do it by ourselves?  Well, Champlain Loses It ended, and now I'm getting back up to where I started.  Back at 260 again.  Really?  C'mon, gimme a break somewhere.  FML.

Ugh, ok.  Enough with the self-pity party.  What's my plan?  Currently I am a size 22/24 in shirts, and I think 26 in pants/shorts.  Because I come from an overweight family and I already naturally have a larger structure than many of my friends, I don't plan on starving myself to get down to a size 6-8 (120-130 lbs.)  I know my body won't do that, and it'll make me look gaunt.  SO not the look I'm after.  If I could get my body back under control and into the size 14/16 range, I would be EXTREMELY happy.  I feel like that's where my body will be comfortable, and where it'll be happy for the longest amount of time.  I'll be small enough to not have as many health problems presenting themselves to me, but still "large" (not the correct word, but for lack of brainpower, stick with me,) enough to have curves, and have a woman's shape.  I LOVE natural feminine beauty.  The curve of a woman's lower back into her butt are one of my favorite curves on a woman.  I'm not lesbian or bi, but I appreciate what a woman's form has to offer.  We're supposed to be made to be enticing.  The Gut and Sir Stomach are ruining my image.  Bastards.  I do on the other hand, love Ms. Booty.  She is one of my favorite parts about myself.  I like my legs too, but that love is kind of hindered by The Gut.  Ms. Booty has got it going on though.  :)

I wanted to try to be more active this summer anyway.  I'm working 3-4 days a week at Kinney's so that's putting me on my feet for x-amount of hours for each of those days.  Unfortunately, it's mostly standing in one spot for my entire shift, but I need the money so I have to grit my teeth and bear it.  Next week I will be starting my CCV class in Montpelier.  Guess what?  Montpelier has a bike path!  My mom recently bought me Sketcher's Shape Ups shoes, so I'm thinking that as soon as my class is done, I'll go walk the path (or in the city, whatever) for an hour or so before I do my drive home.  Montpelier is full of hills, and with the Shape Ups...trust me, you'll get plenty of workout.  I think that by keeping up with this, I'll be able to get some good work done on myself this summer. 

Now that I'm out and about searching for someone new to date, I want to start making myself feel good again.  Being The Slob and laying in bed all day while smelling to high heaven and looking like a grease monkey because you decided not to shower at all that day is fabulous and all, but that's not exactly the best way to attract a guy to you.  Guys like girls that are out and about, that smell good (which I always do if I leave the house,) and who smile at them.  Unfortunately I'm so paranoid about the dangers of meeting a new guy that you know nothing about (as in....murder, rape, etc.,) that I'm usually on my guard when I'm out and about on my own.  This is one of the few times that my size comes in handy.  Most guys don't want to pick a fight with a girl that looks like she weighs anything over 180.  I really want to trust someone and to be able to go on a nice, normal date without having to be prepared 24/7 for a fight that may or may not ever happen.  *Sigh.*  Why is being a girl so hard?  Why can't we strut around and show off our bulging arm-muscles to everyone, and be able to walk down a dark street at night without having to worry about someone hiding behind the trash can getting ready to pounce and rape us?  I don't think most guys understand what most of us in the female gender have to worry about when we're around town.

I understand that there are a few bad guys in the world making a bad name for every single guy ever created, but it's really hard to feel like you can trust someone not to put a roofie in your drink if he buys one for you, or to not take advantage of you if you're in a less-than-appropriate situation.

I am digressing though.

By the looks of things,  it looks like my blog may now be about my struggles with weight.  Maybe this will be the time?  This post started out as a brainstorming session, but seeing as how I have now written a book, and how 3/5 of it have been about my weight loss idea, perhaps that is something I should go with.  What do you think?

Much love.

<3Megan <3

Home

The past 24 hours have sucked. 

I left Burlington to come home for the summer.  I am separated from my twin, my best college friends are still in Burlington or heading for Cape, and I'M SO ALONE!!!! :(

Granted, it's really nice to be home to see my family.  But I am really going to miss all the people my age walking the streets at all hours of the day and night.  (Except for probably 6am-8am.) 

Currently I am sitting on my bed in my room after having showered, and I am waiting for someone to get online.  This is how much of a life I have.  Sleeping in my own bed is going to be magical, but Ryan isn't here to cuddle with.  FMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!

<3

I will miss you all dearly.  I hope you have a fabulous summer, stay safe, and be good to each other.

I'll keep you posted whenever something exciting happens here in L-ville!

Love always,
Megan

P.S. Completely Unrelated- last night while on our last trip to Champ Farms until August, I slipped and fell in the mud in my pjs.  It felt worse than it looked....and it looked horrible.  Fortunately-the fall was really graceful and I didn't injur anything.  Just my ego. :)

Post #71

Hello, everyone!

This is my 71st blog post!  Wow, time flies, huh?   Well, in case you were interested, here is what's been up with me lately:

1) I am sunburnt.  I was a lobster 2 days ago.  Now it just stings a little.  It's healing, but I wish the annoying burnt-stinging sensation would stop.  It is almost over, but I'm waiting for the comfortable tan stage to get here.

2) I am relaxed!!!!  These past 2 days have been amazing with having nothing to do or worry about.  I have my 2 COR exams tomorrow (one is a movie, one is a 4 min oral presentation,) and my last exam Wednesday.  SOOOO ready to be done COR this semester. OMG!!!

3) I am excited!  Thursday we're all going B-town clubbing for the last time until the fall.  Kind of depressing, but that means when we all come back together it is going to mean yet another fabulous trip back downtown.  Haha!

4) I am proud (of myself, and of everyone else.)  I'm proud of myself for sneaking around Ryan the past few days.  I suprised him by coming to the Red Eye Festival performance last night-FLOWERS INCLUDED!!!  As a substitute for a vase, we are using my birthday Rainforest Cafe cup.  :)

I'm proud of everyone else for finishing up their semester in such an awesome way.  Ashley is still struggling a little bit, but she's almost there too.

5) I am nervous.  Mostly about going home for the semester and leaving everyone.  I may have to hire 3 people to follow me around all day back in Lyndonville because I'm so used to not being an "only child" anymore.  I have rarely had...wait, scratch that.  I haven't had a day entirely to myself this entire semester.  I've always had someone with me at some point during the day.  This is good in a way, but also mind-blowing to me--the person who usually needs time alone (much like Ashley.) 

This semester has been good experience-wise, but I think next semester will be fabulous.  I get to live in a castle for at least 2 nights out of the week with Ryan, and really just enjoy myself.  Granted, I will be taking 6 classes which will probably suck, but at least there won't be 3 jobs involved.  Just one, maybe 2 if need be.

:)

Life is good!!

<3 Megan <3

It's All Coasting From Here on Out

So, I realized that I never did post about my EHS Honors Dinner.  Other than almost getting run over after the event (Nadia'd-for those of you who watch LOST,) it was really uneventful.  We sat down at our dinner tables with some water and/or lemonade:

Mmmmmmmmmmmm...

After everyone had gone through the buffet line, we had our nice meal.  After the meal, the award-presenting commenced.  I was more toward the end of the program, but it was still very nice.  Ann (Fred's wife) walked me up by holding my hand, and presented me to the audience:

Ann and Fred are both my professors for the Social Work Program, so it was really fabulous to have everyone there!  Also, the lady in the blue shirt in that last picture is Tawnya, she is another SWK faculty member who will essentially be taking Fred's place when he retires in another year.  Nobody can truly replace Fred, but Tawnya is going to do her best!

________________________________

On to other activities, TODAY IS MY LAST DAY OF CLASS!!!!  YESTERDAY WAS MY LAST DAY OF COR!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!  Yes, I am very pumped.  This has been a long time coming.  Yesterday was ALSO the last day of my internship for the semester, so things are FINALLY wrapping up.

I just want to say that I couldn't have done this without the unwavering support of Ryan, Ashley, Velvet, and my family.  You guys truly are the best there is, and I want to thank you all for putting up with my stressful, crazy antics whenever things went to crap for me this semester.  If I had like, $500 to give each of you, I'd toes do that.  :) 

(But I don't, so forget it.)  Haha <3

In terms of stress relief....yeah, well, here, let me show you.

Mmmm hmmm.  That's what we do with our life. 

So, all in all, I think I can breathe again.  I'm scared to go home this summer and to see what is going to happen when I have nobody to hang out with.  I don't want to spend my entire summer at work and/or locked away in my room.  I want to get outside, go be active, and do something with my life.  I want to explore some nautre trails, but unfortunately you need someone with you when you go do that.  Sooo...I don't know. 

I do plan on trying to organize a big party at Willoughby by picking a day in mid-July or so, and seeing if we can just get a MASS of people to show up on the same day just to hang out, and enjoy the gorgeous weather.  I'm really looking forward to that, so hopefully that will happen!

I'm also nervous about when I go home that I will have nothing to write about the entire summer other than posts like, "My life sucks.  I work.  I eat.  I sleep.  The end."  I want to write some witty, funny things that keep you all entertained!  Other than Ryan creating a summer reading list and a lesson plan for me to follow this summer, I'm really afraid of just wasting away with nothing to do.  I love hanging out with my family, but after so many days of work to family to work to family, you kind of need something else.  (No offense to all of you at home! I love you, but I need people my own age, too.)  :) <3 

My CCV course will help keep me occupied with some stuff though, so that's good.  I wish I could find more nature spots to go and just sit and get away from the computer without being eaten alive by mosquitos, or being afraid of getting myself lost by going too deeply into the woods.  I'm thinking of maybe spending some time at N. beach out at Willoughby, but we'll see.  I think I'm going to be stuck with paying for gas money to get to classes and back this summer as well, so I need to be aware of what my travel habits are like.

Another topic I'm thinking about lately is boys.  I feel as though I'm ready to move on.  Now that Luke and I have had some space from one another, I don't see myself as a "part" of him anymore.  He is his own person and I am too, and I realize that I don't feel bound to him any longer.  It's really fabulous, really.  I don't mean that in the sense that I am bashing him in any way, but I'm realizing that I think I've been ready to move on probably for about a year now, so I'm glad it has finally happened.  I feel like a much stronger person.  I don't feel guilty about going out with my friends at night when I "should" be home on the computer talking to him.  I actually want to go out and be active with people now.  If you had talked to me about a year ago, I would probably have turned down plans to go out simply because I would miss a night talking to my boyfriend.  Yeah, kind of shitty right?  Well, I have moved on and I want to start looking again.

I realized that I often have trouble just getting to meet people.  So I was thinking of making a profile through Seven Days and posting to see if anybody may be interested.  Seven Days is a very public/weekly publication for the Burlington area, so if I find that I haven't had luck flirting this summer, perhaps I will post something for next semester.  I really do like being single, but I also miss the intimate part of being in a relationship.  And by that I don't mean just missing sex, but I just miss being held.  I miss feeling safe and warm and loved in someone's arms.  I mean, I can certainly live without that if I have to, but I would prefer not to.  Basically, Megan is on the prowl again.  If you or someone you know is interested in dating her, please tell her or forward her their contact information!  I feel as though I may have some free time to pencil them in this summer. ;)  Hahahaha. <3

Until next time!

<3 Megan <3

I Love Being 9 Years Old

This weekend I went home with Ryan for a mini-slumber party at my house.  Already, you can tell this is going to be an excellent weekend.

My grandmother calls me Friday morning wanting to know if I want to get picked up that night.  I decline, but tell her that both Ryan and I would be willing to come home Saturday morning to spend a night at my house.

After a sort-of-restful night at Jeanne Mance, Ryan and I wake up looking for breakfast.  Brennan's is closed, Cooks just...ugh, and everything else just kind of failed.  Oh well, it worked out (kind of) because we got to go to Friendly's!  (Note about that: waitress fail, breakfast..eh..so-so.) 

After getting back to my house, Ryan books it for my shower.  Apparently it has some appeal.  Awesome!  I find nail clippers to take care of my nails that were bothering me all Friday night, and THEN we're all good to go.

Alice in Wonderland was playing at the Star Theatre, so we went to see that.  TIM BURTON + JOHNNY DEPP DO IT AGAIN!!!!  It was amazing!  After this, we run back to my house for a quick pb + pickle sandwich lunch, and run back out the door with a frisbee and camera to go play.  I decided that we should go to the East Burke Playground, and then Ryan and I got to act like we were 9 yr olds (promptly showing the ACTUAL 9 yr olds already there how its done.)

Note to the world: Megan's frisbee aim SUCKS.  Hahahaha.  If your life depends on my frisbee aim...FYI, you're DOOMED!!!!

After two hours of epic awesomeness (and a 10 minute hike,) we decide that its time to go see Eleemosynary at LI.  That, too was EPIC.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  Everything was just so good.  :D

At around 8:30-9pm, we leave LI and decide that we're starving.  I already know there is going to be nothing spectacular to eat at home, so a ROADTRIP TO PRICE CHOPPER happens!  Originally we were looking to just buy a pre-cooked chicken and dissect that, but epicFAILPriceChopper.  So, to improvise, we buy Pizza Bread (amazing!), ABC shaped tater-tots, and Pillsbury SuperDuper Chocolate Chip cookies (or something of the sort.)  This constitutes another win for team Meg Ryan.  (See, when we live together, we're not going to starve!  Between the two of us we can manage to operate a microwave, an oven, and pour milk.)  :)  On the way out, Ryan and I decide to invest in 2 Redbox movies for the night.  Precious was in!!!!!!!!!!!  Also, we found that Couple's Retreat was in, and it looked halarious--so we thought we'd give that one a shot.  Both were pretty good.  Precious made us cry, and Couple's Retreat was just a great get-away-from-reality kind of movie.

After having exhausted ourselves for the day, we get ready for bed.  We get into bed at 2am, but don't go to bed until 4-4:30.  How does this happen?  Talking.  About what?  Past, present, future, babies, being single, being taken, jobs, UVMFail, ChamplainFail, UVMWIN, ChamplainWIN, friends (both old and new,) and about how we are just basically going to live together for the rest of our lives after college is all over with.  Neither one of us is planning on  getting a boyfriend or girlfriend because that means one of us is probably going to get jealous, and THEN we'll have an issue. (That'll screw up the whole 'both of us living together forever' situation.)  LOL! 

My family members are all working on getting life insurance, so in case one of them dies (KNOCK ON WOOD!) the house will be paid for.  In my grandfather's words "...because we don't know anybody that's interested in living here." (That's sarcastic...and "anybody" means me.)  I do want to live in that house after college if my job allows me to, so we'll see how this all works out!

Anywho, that was about the extent of my Saturday adventures! 

Hope you all had a safe weekend!

Much love!
-Megan

Jeanne Mance

Hello, everyone!


This evening, the Adventures of Meg Ryan continue.  We're both at Jeanne Mance for the night, and tomorrow morning....something spectacular happens.  My grandmother (or mom?) is coming to pick us both up to spend a night back in the homey (hahaha) of Lyndon, and Ryan and I get to have some epic adventures all day Saturday.

Of course, this means that we won't be here to celebrate this fantastic weekend with Ashley and Velvet, but we're going to try to be back by 2 on Sunday in order to still have some time to all relax together.  Can't wait!!!

I'll try to keep you posted as more exciting things happen tomorrow.

Much love!
Megan

Dobra Tea, 40 Pages, and Rasputins

I have discovered something about myself.  Apparently, I do what I gotta do.  Like it or not.  I wrote an 8 page paper, a 17 page project, a 3 page paper amongst other various assignments all within this past week.  (The 17 pager was completed in 24 hours or less!)

To celebrate my success, Ryan took me to Dobra Tea on one of our many sibling dates.  Sooo0o0o0ooooooOOOOOOO good.  UGH! (In a good way.)  The atmosphere is AMAZING, and I am really excited to take Luke there some evening if he's able to come back up again. :)

After this, I went back to my hidey-hole to finish the rest of my assignments.  When I was truly finished everything, everyone decided to go out to Rasputin's.  (Rasputin's is one of the few clubs we have in Burlington--so much fun!)  Because I didn't have any cash, (I'm in college, what do you want?!),  Velvet paid my way in.  Unfortunately, Ryan couldn't come with us because A) He's not 18 yet....but soon!, and B) He had another performance for his play.

After dancing until 2am, and getting to bed at 3am, I had to get up at 7am for my 8am class.  I was up and running from 7-5 that day.  THEN I was able to pack and go home.  YAYY!!!

Dunkin' Donuts did not schedule me to work at all this week which I am kind of upset with, however, Kinneys has me working about 15 hrs.  I am going to let my boss know that because I did not get scheduled with DD's, she can feel free to call me if someone doesn't show up for their shift.  I NEED THE $$$$$$$$!!

Speaking of $$$$$$$$!!!!!  Camp Champ finally has the textbook listings on their website.  I bought two of mine today.  The rest aren't going to cost that much.  I am sooo excited.  Because I'm taking 4 actual classes, and my 5th class/3rd job is a required intenrship of 12 hrs/wk, and because I'm taking part II of a course, the textbooks for those two classes are minimal--or ones I already have.  YAY!

My brain feels better now that it has been rested for a night.  I can only hope that it will continue to get better while I am home over Thanksgiving Break. 

I am going to get back to finishing up my Scary Movie-fest.  (I'm on the 3rd one right now, and then I am going to bed.)

Love you all--stay out of trouble.  In the timeless words of Velvet, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"  (FYI--That doesn't narrow it down-----at all...)

X.o.X.o.
Love,
Megan

This Weekend...was Awesome.

Where do I start in telling you about this weekend????  My goodness!  Well, first off, I took Ashley home with me for Friday night.  We ended up driving around St. J, Lyndonville, stopping @ P-chops for food & a Redbox movie, going to Cumby's for more food, and staying up till 3-3:30 am reading all the magazines that had come in the mail for me as well as trying to watch The Shortcut. 

We had planned to go to the big St. J/LI Football Game (the 105th one mind you), and actually that didn't happen.  But LI won 14-0!!!!!  Kind of a little bit of domination there. :) 

Then, after scrambling back to Burlington, we got ready for HALLOWEEN.  What a blast!  After Ryan and I put on all our makeup, we made a pretty kick-ass Sweeney Todd and Ms. Lovett.

Why is Ryan's hair SO not awesome?  :)  Love it!  We had fun trying to get Joe's hair to do the same thing essentially.  Good times. :)

So, after our failed attempt at Trick-or-Treating (no one wants to give candy to college students....what's with that?)  we dropped everything back off at the dorm.  We are people just like anyone else, are we not?  We deserve a night to get candy that we don't have to pay for seeing as how we're more broke than you most of the time.  Psh. Whatev.

Anywho, after that, we decided to go walk around Church St. & City Park to take pictures.

And then other than the drunk people asking "Where the F#@! is my F*$R&#g Pirate Cup?" and Ashley totally dominating one conversation with random people, it was pretty uneventful.

We ended up walking to Winooski, and decided to walk down under the bridge.

Yes, it was a good time.  After all this, we walked back to Ryan & Joe's dorm (after me sprinting for about 3 minutes straight because Joe somehow walked really fast and got really far ahead of us without realizing it,) we took a pee-break, and came back to my dorm for the night. 

We ordered Wings, I stared and couldn't breathe after eating, then we went to bed. 

I LOVE my friends so much!  In conclusion, this weekend was AWESOME.  One of the best I've had I think!  It was my first spent with Ryan, my first spent "out on the town" with friends, not being followed around my family.  Pretty exciting stuff!

Lots of Love,

Megan

Gramp Was Right

So, this past summer I worked two jobs in order to pay for my college experience.  Kinney Drugs and Dunkin' Donuts.  Whooot!!!  While I was working both of these jobs, my grandfather kept joking with me that I should get a third one, It'd be "good for me."  (He was being sarcastic...but he did have a bit of a point!) 
Anywho, I still have essentially two jobs here at college this semester.  Buttt....guess what's happening next semester?  You in the back, you get a prize! That's right! Next semester I have the distinct "pleasure" of working three jobs.  The two I currently have, as well as an INTERNSHIP for my Social Work program here at Camp Champ.  Oh boy!  Why am I not going to be crying about 3 weeks in?  Hahaha.

Onto more fun things:  I went to see Paranormal Activity last night with Ryan, Jess, and Ashley.  I sat between Jess and Ashley, and Ashley and I ended up huddled into each other, and Jess was basicly laughing, and Ryan was physically shaking by the end of the movie.  Yep, GREAT movie!  Actually it was pretty good....so well done, in fact, that I actually got so terrified that I ended up crying.  WTF?! 

So, after we get back to the dorm, we end up watching The Haunting in Connecticut.  THAT was a weird movie.  I didn't really understand much of that till the end.  Zombies in the house....awesome.  Strange, but I'll take it as it is I suppose.

Tonight I am supposed to be writing my 6-8 page paper.  I got to the top of page three and I needed a break, hence BLOG time!!!!  :)

Just thought I'd check in and let everyone know I was still alive.

Oh! Big news!  GLEE IS NOT AIRING THIS WEEK!?!!!???!?!?!!?!?!?  WHAT IS THIS??????????????????  Kind of not impressed, but that means that I can take a break I suppose.  I have a paper due Tuesday, a paper due Wednesday, and then hopefully Luke will be coming up this Thursday night, Halloween dance here at Camp Champ, then go home Friday with Ashley and Ryan to go to the St. J/LI game. WHOOT!  Ashley gets to experience some of the awesomeness of VT, and schools stooped in deep traditions.  Here we go!

Ok, well I've procrastinated enough.  I'm going back to try to get past page three, then page four, then five, then hopefully I can stop at page 6 or 7???

Wish me luck with my epic paper writing!  I wish you all luck with your respective lives, keep on keepin' on!

x.o.x.o.
Love as always,
Megan

Velvet Visits Vermont

This weekend, I took Velvet home with me to the boonies of VT.

We drove everywhere, including Littleton, NH (tax-free state!!!), and even up around Willoughby Lake.  It would have been perfect if the rain had disappeared.

But at least most of our leaves are starting to have turned, and we have lots of yellows, reds, and oranges up my way.  Can't wait to get into the full swing of fall.  :D

Weight Watchers has pretty much gone out the window since Thursday, and I'll have to jump back on the bandwagon starting tomorrow.  Velvet and I made another PIE for my family--and it looks fantastic.  MMMMMmmmmmmmmmm.....pie.

Being home has been nice (I got to drive my mom's standard again...yay!!!!!), but I can't wait to get back to Burlington and the dorm life.  Growing up as an only child has been great, but I'm used to the hustle and bustle of the dorm life with people running and stomping up and down stairs at all hours of the night and day.  I kind of miss that.  :(

I will keep everyone posted when I get back to Burlington bright and early tomorrow morning!

Chin up, kiddos.  The rain won't be here forever. :)

xoxoxo
Love,
Megan

Lyndonville

I am taking Velvet home with me to Lyndonville in about 15 minutes.
She remains extensively skeptical about this whole situation.
I'm kind of pumped.

Will write more once we get her home! (This sounds like I'm bringing home a new cat!)

Love as Always,
Megan