Nose pickers? Babies? Bike paths?

So, in my last post, I decided that I wanted to do something with my blog.  I haven't exactly come up with my game plan yet, but I've got some ideas that I have brainstormed.

• All the things I need to buy for college...and updates when I get the stuff! (boring, I know.)
• A review of every single Charmed episode.  (plagiarism...kind of.  Ryan does this with LOST.)
• What I believe in spiritually, why, and posts about other things Wicca and pagan-related.
• Book reviews about every book I have in my room.  (ugh...too much reading.)
• Weight Loss/Food blog.  I STILL want to lose weight, and I always say I'm trying..but the scale doesn't seem to be moving....
• People Who Inspire Me (a blog post about every person I can think of who has touched my life in some way.  Trust me...there are a lot.)
• Movie reviews of every movie I have in my room.  (ugh...more work! wtf?!)
• My incessant love of stationary and pens/pencils.  I buy them all the time, and I think I have a good 10 year supply or so... (yeah, boring and slightly crazy.  I get it.)
• Pets-what I want, what I can't have, and why they're usually a good idea.
• Babies, The Back-Up Plan, ways to get pregnant, rants about how expensive insemination is, what I want for babies, when I want babies, etc.  (hahahahahhahahhaha.)
• Something including people-watching.  Sociology has always held a special place in my heart.  I love watching people, their inconsistencies, their weird behaviors, and what people do when they think nobody else is watching. 

See?  I'm at a complete and total loss here.  I'm all over the place.  I'd like to do a blog that includes having to do something like Julie did in Julie and Julia.  I mean, 524 recipes in 365 days?  Brilliant, much!  I kind of like the cooking idea because there's so much to write about.  How much fun you had while making your masterpiece, how it turned out, any glitches you had during the process, etc.  Unfortunately, I don't have the $$$ to buy the ingredients to actually cook anything.  Ramen is about the only thing in my price range right now, and there isn't much to the process of making some ramen.  LMAO! 

But, back to business.  What else is there that has a process that can be written about?  I'm not looking to necessarily create a how-to manual for something (like one that comes with your TV remote.)  But there's got to be some activity that comes with a process that isn't expensive, super time consuming, or especially difficult.  Out of the choices I've listed, the weight loss one looks like the best idea to me so far, but I don't want to let everyone down when I don't meet my goal.  I know most everyone out there in the blogosphere is going to be supportive of me no matter what happens, but I'm not sure if I'm up to the challenge.

Don't get me wrong, I really honestly do want to lose the weight.  But I've always been overweight.  Unfortunately, it's genetic in my family.  Both my mother AND my father were overweight, and so I'm afraid there isn't much hope for me.  I'm not trying to use the genetic factor to weasel out of putting in the hard work and discipline to do what I need to to lose my weight, but unfortunately, I'm already on the losing end if the favors are stacked against me.

Take for example, The Gut.  You see, most girls don't have this.  Apparently, its typically supposed to be a guy thing.  (At least, that's what I was told in science classes at my elementary/middle school.)  Awesome.  I'm a freak.  (I know I'm not...I'm just kidding. Sheesh!)  Anyway, it's always bothered me.  The majority of my weight and health problems come from having it.  It makes me have to wear jean sizes bigger than what I would if I had a normal womanly shape.  My legs are toned and really athletic (probably from having to carry all of my body weight around all the time,) but I can't even show them off properly because shorts look ugly on me because I have to buy all of my pants/skirts/bottoms in larger sizes than I would need if I didn't have it. 

The Gut is not the only culprit.  The other place I have most of my weight is around my mid-section in general.  Sir Stomach is bad guy #2. 

These are the two areas I would love to slim down in, because I love the rest of my body.  I mean, sure, my arms have a bit of flab on them, but I'm hoping with overall weight loss that will start disappearing. 

So, what's stopping me from getting cracking on this whole weight loss thing? 

1. I <3 food.
2. I have sleepovers (I'll explain the problem with this in a minute-it relates to problem number 1.)
3. There's no place for me to go be active outside around my hometown.
4. When I have the time to be free to exercise, I usually prefer to be sleeping.
5. All this "healthy food" of which people speak usually tastes so bland.  I understand that it's good for me, but really?  I love apples and oranges, so those are ok.  But vegetables and I are usually at war.  I'm a big fan of corn and peas, but beyond that, there isn't much hope for me.  I kind of like celery, but it's hard to eat unless you have ranch dressing or peanut butter.  PB is good for you, but only in limited amounts.  It's just a very confusing world.

The more I stream-of-conscience-write about this topic though, the more I think I want to take it on.  According to the stupid BMI chart or whatever that doctors use, for my height and weight...I'm either obese or "extremely obese."  The chart doesn't go high enough in weight to let me see where the danger zones continue.  I'm 5' 6", and at.....(excuse me while I go weigh myself...brb!).....260 lbs, it doesn't make for a pretty picture.  I mean, I don't look like I'm that overweight, but I blame The Gut and Sir Stomach for the sneak attack.  Bastards.

I respect myself and my body, and I know I have to be gentle how I go about this.  I may write like I don't respect myself, but it's more out of pent-up frustration about my situation than anything else.  I may not appreciate my size, but you know, at least I have working parts on me.  Some people are without limbs, need a catheter, or oxygen.  I am still able to get around without a wheelchair, or any machines to help keep me alive.  I appreciate that fact very much.  But before I get to the point where I need any of that for any reason, I want to make myself more healthy.

During my entire weight loss process, I've not been able to get below 245 lbs.  I've tried, but I think I "plateau-ed" in Weight Watchers speak.  I took myself off WW this past semester of college because I realized I wasn't following what I was supposed to be doing anymore, and I had started Champlain Loses It with Velvet and Ashley, and we were doing a good job all on our own!  Why should I keep spending money to help me lose weight when we were able to do it by ourselves?  Well, Champlain Loses It ended, and now I'm getting back up to where I started.  Back at 260 again.  Really?  C'mon, gimme a break somewhere.  FML.

Ugh, ok.  Enough with the self-pity party.  What's my plan?  Currently I am a size 22/24 in shirts, and I think 26 in pants/shorts.  Because I come from an overweight family and I already naturally have a larger structure than many of my friends, I don't plan on starving myself to get down to a size 6-8 (120-130 lbs.)  I know my body won't do that, and it'll make me look gaunt.  SO not the look I'm after.  If I could get my body back under control and into the size 14/16 range, I would be EXTREMELY happy.  I feel like that's where my body will be comfortable, and where it'll be happy for the longest amount of time.  I'll be small enough to not have as many health problems presenting themselves to me, but still "large" (not the correct word, but for lack of brainpower, stick with me,) enough to have curves, and have a woman's shape.  I LOVE natural feminine beauty.  The curve of a woman's lower back into her butt are one of my favorite curves on a woman.  I'm not lesbian or bi, but I appreciate what a woman's form has to offer.  We're supposed to be made to be enticing.  The Gut and Sir Stomach are ruining my image.  Bastards.  I do on the other hand, love Ms. Booty.  She is one of my favorite parts about myself.  I like my legs too, but that love is kind of hindered by The Gut.  Ms. Booty has got it going on though.  :)

I wanted to try to be more active this summer anyway.  I'm working 3-4 days a week at Kinney's so that's putting me on my feet for x-amount of hours for each of those days.  Unfortunately, it's mostly standing in one spot for my entire shift, but I need the money so I have to grit my teeth and bear it.  Next week I will be starting my CCV class in Montpelier.  Guess what?  Montpelier has a bike path!  My mom recently bought me Sketcher's Shape Ups shoes, so I'm thinking that as soon as my class is done, I'll go walk the path (or in the city, whatever) for an hour or so before I do my drive home.  Montpelier is full of hills, and with the Shape Ups...trust me, you'll get plenty of workout.  I think that by keeping up with this, I'll be able to get some good work done on myself this summer. 

Now that I'm out and about searching for someone new to date, I want to start making myself feel good again.  Being The Slob and laying in bed all day while smelling to high heaven and looking like a grease monkey because you decided not to shower at all that day is fabulous and all, but that's not exactly the best way to attract a guy to you.  Guys like girls that are out and about, that smell good (which I always do if I leave the house,) and who smile at them.  Unfortunately I'm so paranoid about the dangers of meeting a new guy that you know nothing about (as in....murder, rape, etc.,) that I'm usually on my guard when I'm out and about on my own.  This is one of the few times that my size comes in handy.  Most guys don't want to pick a fight with a girl that looks like she weighs anything over 180.  I really want to trust someone and to be able to go on a nice, normal date without having to be prepared 24/7 for a fight that may or may not ever happen.  *Sigh.*  Why is being a girl so hard?  Why can't we strut around and show off our bulging arm-muscles to everyone, and be able to walk down a dark street at night without having to worry about someone hiding behind the trash can getting ready to pounce and rape us?  I don't think most guys understand what most of us in the female gender have to worry about when we're around town.

I understand that there are a few bad guys in the world making a bad name for every single guy ever created, but it's really hard to feel like you can trust someone not to put a roofie in your drink if he buys one for you, or to not take advantage of you if you're in a less-than-appropriate situation.

I am digressing though.

By the looks of things,  it looks like my blog may now be about my struggles with weight.  Maybe this will be the time?  This post started out as a brainstorming session, but seeing as how I have now written a book, and how 3/5 of it have been about my weight loss idea, perhaps that is something I should go with.  What do you think?

Much love.

<3Megan <3