I'm pretty positive I can swim through the air today on Cape
Cod. It has been muggy and hot and humid for the past two days, and
tomorrow is supposed to be the same.
I consumed an entire pint of my favorite Ben and Jerry's
flavor: Chocolate Fudge Brownie tonight just to cool off, and it worked....for
about an hour.
There are so many things going through my mind right now between boyfriend stuff, job stuff, and living arrangement stuff for the upcoming months. There are going to be big changes, ones that I hope I am ready for, and some that I know I'm ready for.
Which is why I continue to be up so late on my days off, thinking about things and hoping for the best for myself. There are so many unknown variables in my life. Any decision I make at this point in my life is going to put me on an entirely different life path than I would have been on if I had made the opposite decision. That's a lot of pressure, much like the episode "Turn Left" in Doctor Who, Season 4, Episode 11. You can watch it on
Netflix or probably look it up on
Youtube in parts.
So many things are about to change and I'm about to embark on a completely different life journey. I want to serve whatever purpose I have in this world and help, touch, and connect with the people I am destined to encounter. I want to live a comfortable lifestyle, and make sure I do whatever I can to become fully financially independent from my family all the while creating a comfortable living atmosphere and environment for myself and whomever I choose to share my life with. I hope to be the best person I can be, and to really immerse myself in the experience of living, and working hard for that living. I want to know that I am earning every dollar I make, and that I am dedicating myself to being the best version of myself I can possibly be.
Life/Karma has a way of returning to you whatever you deserve. I want to put as many positive vibes in the universe not just so that I can get something good back out of it at the end of the day, but just so that I know I am sending as much positive energy into this universe as possible. Period. I don't want to be the person that is good and does good because s/he knows that s/he will be getting a reward for doing so, but because I feel it is the right thing to do.
I'm not sure why I'm having this huge deep, defining moment of my life at 12:30 am when I feel like I'm sweating out every single toxin in my body, or why it feels so New Age-y, but I suppose in moments of stress/distress is when a lot of "Aha!" moments happen. Perhaps I work best under pressure?
I suppose I've always been a New Age spiritualist. I was baptized Catholic as a child, but once my Mom and I moved on, we stopped going to church. I do believe there is some higher power out there, but I don't necessarily think it is one all-encompassing god (or goddess for that matter). I think of this higher power like a huge diamond in the sky, with many different facets. These facets reflect down on the world creating different perspectives; gods, and goddesses in all different regions across the globe. However, each of these higher powers stem from the same source. When I decide to do my form of "praying", I pray generally to all gods and goddesses, (1) because I'm sure in many cases I need all the help I can get, and (2) because I don't want to offend any gods/goddesses that do exist in case they do come in different entities.
When I do pray, I try to keep myself in perspective and not wish for a certain outcome in a situation. I ask only that I am guided to whatever path I am supposed to be on, and that things will work out for me in the grand scheme of things "for the greater good". I know that sometimes life hurls challenges at you right and left, but they're to help you learn, grow, and become stronger for the next set of obstacles you have to face. I feel like everything is all a part of a grand design. Again, as I mentioned in a previous post, this doesn't give you the free reign to let the cards fall where they may. You still have the ability to make choices, and to decide if you will step up to the plate and face the challenges that are coming at you. You have the ability to live a better life and to make better choices for yourself.
Finally, my environmentalist side comes out. I feel that all Earthly creatures come from the Earth, and are returned to the Earth (in both a physical and spiritual way). When I die, I hope I am not buried in a casket. I would like to be returned to the world in the most natural way possible. I want to decompose directly in the ground without being protected by a wooden casket, be cremated, or (as terrible as this sounds), be returned to the ocean to be eaten by fish and sea creatures. Seriously, what is the point of being protected in a casket? You're dead. Just let nature take you back. I know this sounds like a grotesque, horror movie scene, but really, I don't want to use more of the Earth's materials to give me a "proper burial". I just want to be left in piece(s) [see what I did there?] to be consumed again by nature, and folded back into the planet like a nice pizza dough.
I'm not sure whether I believe in reincarnation per se. But I believe that we have a symbiotic relationship with the Earth we come from. Just because we are human doesn't mean we have the right to overpopulate and destroy the miracles of life, peace, and solace on this planet. We are no greater than the common squirrels, shrimp, or dung beetle that also exist on this planet. In the grand scheme of things, we are all just a life form trying to survive. So why do us humans continue to do nearly everything we can to ruin or spoil life-when so little of it already exists? Greed. Lust for power. The power to feel "human" emotions. The same components that "set us apart" from other life forms-a brain to think with and process complicated situations. A brain with emotions when once corrupted, ruins life for all others nearby.
Sorry that this just turned into a very political rant. But it's how I feel. We come from this planet. Ingesting all of these synthetic materials and man-made toxins are not doing us any favors. Notice how you feel better after eating a wholesome turkey sandwich with cheddar cheese on whole grain bread and veggies over a McDonald's value meal? (Don't get me wrong-I do love the taste of McDonald's food). But the food is probably mostly synthetic. It's bad for you, brings more toxins and salts/fats into your body that most people typically don't need, and leaves you hungry for more later on. Whatever chemicals are used in the food create sort of an addiction. Once you go to "splurge" once, it's hard to resist the temptation to do it again.
Anyway-back to my point. The reason you feel better after eating the turkey sandwich is because it's made of wholesome products coming directly from nature. All of the nutrients are still in the food, and it doesn't leave you CRAVING more hours later. You also feel better about yourself for making a healthy choice over the easy way out. Plus, your body runs better once it has all of these nutrients coming more directly from nature.
All of these things are suddenly coming back to the forefront as I'm thinking about my life and how I want to lead it. So what, I'm most comfortable being a New Age spiritualist? So what I actually own my own Tarot Deck (not that I use it often, but I hope to remedy that once I have my own place that isn't in a college dormitory)? So what I perceive my "god" to be a little different than yours? This doesn't make me a bad person. This doesn't mean I'm messing with the dark forces of the universe and am opening doors that I don't know how to close. This means I'm living life as best I can, and doing what I can to make my home on Earth as good a place as possible, while accepting a little help and guidance from my friends in the big diamond in the sky every so often.
As soon as I am home with access to my candles again, I shall light one and reflect on every other person in the world who is at the same life transition place as myself. We have lots of big choices to make, and not a lot of time to make these choices. This is the biggest life transition of them all-leaving the house for good, spreading our wings, and learning how to fly. We could all use a little luck and guidance right now.
From my brain to yours,
Megan
